Mind the Gap

Since the beginning of Jeanna, I’ve had reoccurring nightmares about bridges. They started out really weird with monsters in costumes, my dad in a wheelchair and some sort of Loch Ness Monster character in the water. There was always a bridge that I had to cross, and I usually ended up falling in the water and couldn’t swim or breathe. In my adult life, occasionally I’ll dream about a really high, super small bridge that I have to drive across, or one that collapsed. To this day, bridges freak me out. Especially creepy ones, like the Vantage bridge in Eastern Washington, which is like a wind tunnel and blows my little red bug across the lanes. I usually drive across a bridge, gripping the steering wheel and holding my breath. I’ve tried to research the meaning of bridges in dreams. I’m not usually one of those “research the meaning of my dreams” hippie frou frou types, but because bridges are ALWAYS coming up, it sort of weirds me out a little bit. Dream experts, if there is such a thing, say:

To dream that you are crossing a bridge, signifies an important decision or a critical junction in your life. This decision will prove to be a positive change with prosperity and wealth in the horizon. Bridges represent a transitional period in your life where you will be moving on to a new stage.

To dream of a run-down bridge, indicates that you should not contemplate any major changes in your life at this time.

To see a bridge collapse in your dream, denotes that you have let a great opportunity pass you by.

I’m not really sure what that all means in relation to my dreams because I don’t remember the exact time I’ve had these dreams and what was occurring in my life; I just know that bridges freak me out. That being said, the bridge collapse in Minneapolis is my worst nightmare come true.

I didn’t think that bridges really did collapse. I just thought it was more of a “if we have a big earthquake we’re screwed” bit. Now, I’m even more freaked out to drive across the impending doom that is the Alaskan Way Viaduct, which I’m forced to take home every day from work, or even now…the Ship Canal bridge, which is the same steel-trussed bridge like the one in Minneapolis, only our bridge is six years older. YIKES!

Looks like I’ll be doing even more breath holding on my commutes around the city…

Currently Feeling: Utterly shy.
Currently Anticipating: Blogger party tonight and Beerfest at Redhook.
Currently Wondering: If anyone can guess my game.

Oh, it just feels so damn good

Today, at lunch, I started thinking about habits and how bizarre they are. We’ve all heard the “Creature of Habit” cliché. Mammals are creatures of habit, cats are creatures of habit, men are creatures of habit, women are creatures of habit, I’m a creature of habit, you’re a creature of habit and reefers habitually smoke marijuana cigarettes.

It’s obvious that habits are part of everything and everyone’s day-to-day existence. If everyone’s life is a series of habits, what are some of mine?

I know that my morning ritual is the same each day. I always get dressed, do my hair and then put on my make-up. And I never stray from this particular morning routine. It’s the same every day. I don’t know if I’m even capable of doing my hair before getting dressed, or putting on make-up before doing my hair. It’s all a very precise process that would make me feel all jumbled up if it were changed.

I LOVE reading on the futon in my living room with my feet propped up on the big pink pillow, and eventually falling into a very satisfying nap.

Every Saturday and Sunday morning I like to eat two fried eggs on top of toast with cinnamon sugar.

And I habitually match my eyeshadow with my shoes with my earrings with my bag.

Then there are the bad habits. Biting nails, smoking, swearing. I do all three.

But, while I’ll disclose a number of habits—weird, bad or good—there’s one that I’m particularly embarrassed of. It has to do with Taco Bell. (The greatest place on Earth besides the Sand Bar.) I don’t eat at the Fourth Meal Haven unless I’m a) very drunk or b) it’s been six months or more. I try to stay far, far away from fast food, but I just can’t give up the Bell. So, since it’s been a month of Sundays since I’ve enjoyed all its greasy gloriousness, I went there for lunch today. I always order the same thing: two soft tacos. Then, I’m incapable of not doing the following habit, which I’ve done since age 8, at minimum:

1) I empty out all the contents of the soft taco
2) I fold the tortilla in half, then half again, making one tortilla triangle
3) I bite all the way around the tortilla until it creates four little separate triangles of tortilla
4) I mix-up all the contents of the soft taco into sort of a salad mixture
5) I spoon one-fourth of the mixture into one of the four little tortilla triangles
6) I roll it up into a mini, bite-size soft taco
7) I eat the mini soft taco roll-up
I repeat steps one through seven until the whole soft taco is gone

It’s by far the strangest thing I do. And I’m actually really, really embarrassed by it. I hate it when anyone sits by me in Taco Bell because I know they’re probably thinking to themselves, “What in the hell is that girl doing? What a weirdo!” I want to sit there, shielding any onlookers from my habit with my arm. Sort of like I’m in 5th grade and someone’s trying to cheat off my Taco Bell wrapper. It makes me feel like that fat woman—the one who really wants to lock herself in a closet and finish an entire container of peanut butter and marshmallow cream—carefully spooning them into her mouth and licking the spoon—so no one will judge her.

I can’t explain it. It’s completely weird and creepy. But, I’ve been doing it for years. It’s just a habit, like everything else in our lives. But one thing about habits is that while some are strange and some are bad, they just feel so damn good, don’t they?

Currently Feeling: Oh geez.
Currently Anticipating: Beerfest for the Redhook outdoor summer movie tomorrow and the Seafair festivities this weekend.
Currently Hating: My inability to express my feelings.

[See my July wrap-up in pics below]