Forgive me while I get a little Spiritual

I have spent the last 10 years of my life or so, scoffing at religion. By religion, I should say Christianity.

I grew up “Christian”—attended Vacation Bible School, Sunday School, church, youth groups, Young Life, etc. Then somewhere around high school, I believe, I started to grow my own mind and opinion about it all and thought it seemed like a bunch of hocus pocus more than anything. I didn’t believe life should be less enjoyable because “God” didn’t want you to drink, have premarital sex, cohabit, or do any of the general teenage sinning that I enjoyed. I couldn’t wrap my mind around really believing in parting the sea, or feeding 300 with one loaf of bread, or all the other far-fetched stories in the Bible. My mind screamed, “Where’s the PROOF?!” I also didn’t agree with shunning the gay community or the “Our way or the highway” mentality that I encountered at most Christian churches, so I took the highway.

I’ve spend my 20s scoffing and rolling my eyes at Christianity, church and proselytizers. Funny, since I spent a good three years out of college, working at a Christian corporation where we had a chapel in the building and regular prayer every morning. The whole thing gave me the hee bee gee bees. I masqueraded around as a Christian at work, and came home and went out every night, kissing, smoking and fornicating.

But recently, what some might call a “little tiny door” has opened in my mind. If I had to place a finger on it, it started with reading, “Eat, Pray, Love.” Here was a woman who scoffed and rolled eyes and strayed away from religion just as much as I did, but she began to believe in and search for a “God.” Not a Christian God, necessarily, but a spiritual being for the whole world and everyone. This “God” made more sense to me.

I started to think.

Then this summer, I picked up “Breakfast with Buddha”—the story of a regular ole’ corporate America middle-aged man who drives cross country, unexpectedly, with his sister’s guru. Again, in this book, was the notion that “God” could be one being for everyone across the world and across religions. My favorite part of the book is when the main character, again skeptical and scoffing just like me, asks the guru what religion he is, and the guru answers something along the lines of: “I’m not an “ism” and “tian” or an “ist.”

I’m not a Budd-ist, a Chris-tian or following Hindu-ism.

And so, here was something I could wrap my head around. The belief that perhaps there was a “God,” but not associated with any religion or rules–just a way to feel better and do better in life–a lot of what Buddhism actually is about, not “worshiping a big-bellied bronze statue,” surprisingly. So, I ordered “Awakening the Buddha Within” by Lama Surya Das. Sort of hippie and dorky, I know. Who would have thought I’d end up searching for some sort of spirituality to grasp on to—I guess everyone does at some point.

So, this morning I read this:

Men and women who are ready to deepen or formally embark on a spiritual journey are typically standing at some kind of emotional crossroads. Often they are grieving over some loss or disappointment—separation from or death of a loved one, a personal crisis, health problems, or an overriding sense that something is wrong or missing. Sometimes they are simply looking for a way to better love the world…

…For example, I frequently speak to men and women who complain that even though they have painstakingly followed Life’s Little Operating Manual, they feel as though they are coming up empty-handed. Superficially, it may seem as though they are having work problems or relationship problems or health problems, but scratch the surface and there are deeper unresolved questions. Some of these people seem to have so much—family, career, education. Everything seems to be going their way, yet they are often dissatisfied…

…Often when we think about our lives and our experiences, we feel certain that in some cosmic way it must be making sense, but sometimes it seems there are too many problems and too much chaos for us to ever get a handle of life. We don’t know why this is so, but on some level we know that we are responsible for our own destiny. When we first hear about karma, the possibility of rebirth, and the ineluctable laws of cause and effect, these teachings not only make sense, they are reassuring.

For Tibetan Buddhists, because karma affects everything, there are no chance occurrences. It is no accident, for example, that you are picking up this book. As you read this sentence, all of your past actions, your present thoughts, as well as your intentions for the future have brought you to this specific intersection of your life where you have opened a book…

So, here I am. Everything seems to be going my way, but I’ve been feeling slightly dissatisfied for a short time now. Perhaps it is an overriding sense that something is wrong or missing, which led to my interest in Buddhism—and reading this book.

We’ll see where it takes me.

Currently Feeling: Lucky to have found such a cool Craigslist random.
Currently Anticipating: A night out on the town, making my Halloween costume with my mom, and the pumpkin patch with Mike, Caden, Vanessa and Derek on Sunday.
Currently Watching: Dexter, Season 2, Disc 3.

Super Human Powers

This morning I’m in a two-hour conference call with my team on “Market Force,” a training that is supposed to pinpoint you as a certain type of person–a Control, Influence, Power or Authority–after six weeks of two-hour classes.

It’s similar to those stupid color or personality assessment tests you take to figure out what type of person you are. But, I have to admit, I’m a little curious to figure out what I am since everyone on my team has been guessing at categorizing me.

Our first assignment for the class today is to come with a super hero power that you’d want to be… *Sigh* I’ve always hated the whole super hero thing. I groan every time Baby Daddy mentions he wants to rent Iron Man; I’ve never been into the whole comic book thing. Blech. To me, it’s right up there with Star Wars lovers.

Anyway, I searched through the list of comic book super powers on Wikipedia and, I think I zeroed in on:

Biological Manipulation

Ability to control all aspects of a living creature’s biological make-up. This includes, but is not limited to, genetic alterations, physical distortion/augmentations, healing, disease, and biological functions.

Why Biological Manipulation? Because I’m a total hypochondriac who thinks I have cancer every time my stomach abnormally hurts or the slightest thing is off—and I’m super sick of dieting and watching what I eat. I want to eat everything all the time and always look like a million bucks! Also, I’d be super rich if I had the ability to give physical augmentations whenever I wanted–I’d be like my own personal plastic surgeon without all the schooling and blood.

There you have it—I’d be super healthy, super hot and super successful. What’s better than that?

Currently Feeling: Too much work to do, not enough hours in the day.
Currently Anticipating: Hopefully finishing this eight-month long volunteer brochure project tonight if the clients approve the final product.
Currently Dreaming: Of my Old Spag dinner last night. Can’t wait for leftovers tonight!

Things I want to accomplish this weekend:

• Listen to some music that makes me smile on the inside, laugh on the outside and generally thank a higher power that I’m alive (ala Zeppelin’s Tangerine.)
• Snuggle with my boyfriend, who I’ve seen for a total of maybe 12 hours in the last two weeks.
• Find a really stellar pumpkin bread recipe, bake it and try not to eat the whole thing
• Overhaul my bedroom so it feels inviting again: wash bedding, do laundry, hang up clothes, organize, light candles…
• Read on the couch
• Stick to my pre-Halloween diet
• Figure out my Halloween costume and finagle my mom, once again, to sew it for me

I think those are all pretty feasible. Now, let’s see if I can stay away from large amounts of alcohol, which generally makes me scrape any to-do lists and lie around like a big fat amoeba on the couch.

Currently Feeling: So freakin’ relieved.
Currently Anticipating: Hanging with my besties at Dave’s tonight and a little Big Lawson style and Fremont on Saturday.
Currently Loving: That my apartment is clean and nearly put back together again.

Man-in-Uniform Syndrome

Last night I walked to one of my neighborhood’s most spectacular Thai restaurants with my new roommate. What better way to get to know each other than over plates of Phad Thai, curry and peanut sauce? Cold fall days spent inside with good food is the perfect recipe for conversation.

Inevitably, the topic of men came up. I asked about her most recent relationship and if she’d ever been in love. She rattled off a short list of guys who hadn’t worked out, but went into a little more detail about a doctor she dated while training as a nurse. Whooo… total Grey’s Anatomy style. Now this is getting good. Apparently they had kept it quiet from the people they worked with at the hospital (hello, Meredith and Derek?!), and suddenly he broke it off one day without an explanation. Two months later he came sulking back to “clear his conscious” and explained that he’d been cheating on her and had gotten another girl pregnant. When she finally came clean to some of her coworkers, their response was, “Ew. Why did you date him? He dates a lot of nurses.” (Just like McSteamy?)

She vowed to me that she’d never be so stupid and naive. And admitted that part of her thought that just because he was a doctor and a professional, she didn’t think he was capable of such childish and thoughtless behavior.

Man-in-uniform syndrome.

I thought about this on my way into work this morning. Nearly every day (unbeknown to my boyfriend), I drool over all the men in their pressed business suits, coordinating ties and shiny shoes. A certain best friend of mine drools over guys in a construction uniform, but my weakness is definitely for a man in a business suit. “Oh, if only my boyfriend came over every night, and I had to loosen up his tie a little bit,” I often think to myself.

Another case of man-in-uniform syndrome.

Just because these men are “business professionals,” tied up in shiny business suits like my own personal walking Christmas gifts 365-days a year, doesn’t mean they’re incapable of cheating, lying, thieving and all other general sinning. But somehow, their suits make them seem so.

So, I’ll take my man for now, who I know is good on the inside, even if he is suit-less on the outside.

Currently Feeling: In need of a weekend at home.
Currently Anticipating: Girls’ night tonight with Becca, Amanda, and the Dolphins.
Currently Wondering: Why did the dragon have to show up?

Daily Tweet Babble

• SO excited for Project Runway tonight! #
• was given a “Hot Priests” calendar from my coworker as a souvenir from her Italy trip. Can’t wait to drool in 2009! #
• just puked in my mouth a little bit #
• grabbing Tup Thim Thai with the new roomie! #
• thinks America’s Next Top Model + Project Runway = best girls’ night ever! #
• dammit. Why does Kenley’s collection have to be so good? #
• noooo! My favorite designer got sent home. #

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I sat next to a Gold Digger

Yesterday morning, the guy sitting next to me on the bus was picking his nose.

Now, the city metro is never a normal place. You can, and must, expect the weirdest behavior ever…people screaming, ranting, talking to themselves, picking fights, half-clothed, drunk or smelly. My favorite is the people with multiple bags of garbage. The bus has to stop, take five minutes to drop the handicap platform and raise it back up, just so this person can pile their bags or wheel their cart of garbage onto the bus, and then ride the bus for four blocks in the ride free zone, only to start the whole platform rigmarole again.

But, this guy appeared to be “normal” by all of society’s standards. I am very picky about who I choose to sit next to every morning. I walk down the isle, shifting my eyes back and forth, scanning each person for the less-creepy looking seat partner. This particular guy appeared to be in his 20s, was neatly dressed and was reading The New York Times.

But the whole time, out of the corner of my eye, I could see him digging, then he’d drop his hand, and out of my peripheral vision, I’d watch him roll his fingers together and then kinda flick. Five minutes later he was back to digging.

Really? I mean, really. Do you really think that nobody – people in the back of the bus and people packed in the front – can see you picking your nose? Or do you just not care?

That is a total disregard of caring about what people think of you, which sometimes I wished I had 10% of.

Currently Feeling: Grateful for certain people.
Currently Anticipating: American’s Next Top Model and Project Runway.
Currently Loving: Having someone at home to talk to and watch TV with.

Last Oktoberfest of the year – I promise

Oktoberfest in Leavenworth (one of the top 10 Oktoberfest celebrations in the county) once again delivered a grand ole’ time this past weekend.

In summary, it was a lot of dance partyin’, beer-drinkin’, bell-ringin’, costume-wearin’, hot tubbin’, glass-raisin’, Brat- and sauerkraut-eatin’, Chicken-dancin’ and laughin’.

If I had to choose one anecdote to share, I’d probably tell you that unfortunately, Oktoberfest was a crappy time for some.

By crappy, I mean, crap was literally involved.

I won’t name names, but a certain member of our Oktoberfest crowd had a little run-in with a Porta-Potty. (Never a story you wish your name was attached to).

Just be glad that you’ve never been so drunk that you lose all your friends and then drop your cell phone – the only contact to your group of friends – into a Porta-Potty. Or, so desperate to fish said cell phone out. With bare arms.

After a blacked out time period of not seeing this person and calling his/her cell phone one million times before leaving the event, the missing friend finally showed up while we were all resting our weary and drunk bones in the hot tub. (Never a good idea if you’re trying to sober up, but a fantastic idea if you want to giggle all night and look ridiculous while having a dance party on the front porch).

“WHERE’VE you BEEN?!” we all asked when Missing Friend finally arrived. “We called you a million times!”

And their answer?

“If you were callin’ me, you were calling poop.”

I’ll post the photos from the end of the day because those are the most entertaining:

Currently Feeling: Hungry for breakfast. Mmm turkey bacon.
Currently Anticipating: Ladies night on Thursday – and a return of the weekly girls’ dinners!
Currently Hating: Everyone’s shitty attitude.

Moving on out, Moving on out

When I get back from Leavenworth this Sunday, one roommate will be gone and another will be moved in.

I’m quite looking forward to having things back to normal again, and I’m sure Stella is too. They say cats can sense things, and I think she’s been a little nervous these last three weeks. At first we removed the carpet, then we were without futon, then couch, and then boxes started appearing in all corners, a new couch came in, her food and water dish switched, Sarah’s room was packed up and gone… She’s been sort of wandering around, crying, and her eyes are watering (which happens every time she goes to the vet or in the car, so I think it’s a sign of stress).

I can commiserate with the poor thing; it’s a bit weird to see your life and surroundings sort of packed up around you, but still living in the midst of all of it. I’ve created one “normal” spot in the living room, which still looks like some sort of livable space with a couch, coffee table and TV. I’ve been frantically trying to fill the holes of ownership – I realized how little I actually have when it’s all that’s filling a two bedroom place. So, much of my time lately has been scowering Web sites or stores for good deals on wall art, plants, furniture, etc. Losing a roommate has proven to be a little expensive.

My new roommate’s name is Becca, She’s a Bellingham native, so, we’ll have living there in common. She’s 25 and a recent graduate of nursing school. She’ll be starting at Harborview on Monday. When interviewing the girls who emailed me, she immediately stood out to me as someone extremely warm and good-natured. I’m quite lucky that it was a mutual decision to be roommates, and I’m looking forward to having someone around again to talk to and split mutual household duties.

I will miss Sarah, dearly, but all good things must come to an end sometime. And I think it will be a positive change for us both…

Currently Feeling: Annoyed.
Currently Anticipating: A car ride with my bestie.
Currently Reading: Chelsea Talks Smack – a blog Cari recommended

Microblogging the 2008 VP debates

• Wow. All of Seattle is trying to make it home for the debates.
• LOVE Biden’s response to same sex couples’ civil rights – not supporting this is SO archaic!!
• Eff me. Will they just get over this Iraq crap!
• By “they” I mean the Republican party.
• I’m on the “Palin was just prepped with catchphrases” wagon!
• listening to the debates while simultaneously reading the public Twitter feed is REALLY entertaining
• seriously don’t understand how anyone remotely intelligent can agree with McCain/Palin.
• so, question McCain supporters – you don’t support health care for everyone and tax breaks for the middle class?
• BAH!

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The above is a new little feature I found, which creates daily lists of all “Tweets” from Twitter. Some blogs I read do it daily, I think I’ll do it every once in awhile when something fun is going on that’s worth microblogging. For instance – perhaps I’ll microblog the festivities this weekend in Leavenworth…

Miami, in the heat

I believe I owe a few of you an update on Miami…

I was in Miami last week from Wednesday through Saturday night, which I’ve been catching-up from ever since. (Lame way to excuse myself for not blogging). Going to Miami was the first time I’d been on an all-expenses paid work trip. I think it’s something I could get used to. And, I might feel less restless in Seattle if I had a way to get out of town that didn’t rely on my general bad money management. (But that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms, my friends).

The hotel I stayed at was tip-top. It’s really odd, however, to stay in a hotel room by yourself. I kept thinking about all the friends who could be sipping cocktails with me on the patio, or you know, other people who might enjoy the king-sized bed. But, once the oddness wore off, I quite liked padding around my hotel room in the luxurious robe, spreading my makeup ALL OVER the counter and my clothes ALL OVER the floor, watching TLC, naked in the feather bed (it’s HOT in Miami), or ordering room service to eat naked in the feather bed while watching TLC and thinking about how glorious it is to not have to clean up my makeup or clothes. It was like a mini 20-Something break from the entire roar that is my constant day-to-day life. (Not that I’m complaining).

Even better—while I was in Miami for work, I barely had to actually do any work. Other than a few trips to pick-up last minute details (tequila shooters for the prize wheel), a few marketing dinners, and the three-hour tradeshow on Friday, I generally found myself with a bunch of free time to a) lie by the pool or b) watch cable in my feather bed, which are really the only two ways I spent my free time.

I have to embarrassingly admit that I skipped out on any and all sightseeing or bar hopping while there. I don’t know—it just didn’t seem right. Like I had my 20-Something Work Hat on, and I didn’t really feel like doing some of the shenanigans I get myself into in front of people I have professional relationships with. But, they all seemed fine with going out with each other and tried to drag me out every night. Even if I did have my 20-Something Party Hat on, I don’t think I could have pushed through the lethargy that enveloped me after the three-course+ dinners we had each night.

On that note, however, I would LOVE to go back with friends. I was very impressed with Miami. We stayed in South Beach, which was warm, beautiful and clean with shops, fancy restaurants and swanky bars within walking distance. It was like Mexico but without all the things I don’t love about Mexico. I would definitely like to go back some day.

Oh, and did I mention we won “Best Booth”? Icing on the cake.

Currently Feeling: A tiny bit sad.
Currently Anticipating: Oktoberfest in Leavenworth this weekend.
Currently Dreading: Taking the bus home tonight. Wish I could fly.