Yesterday I rejoined the “girls who tan to make themselves look feel sexier” club. My shit is pale.

Anyway, my 27 birthday this week induces a little reality – I’m not going to be young forever. And all the drinking and partying is already going to take a toll on my lovely lady bits, so I don’t want to compound it with wrinkles from tanning too. (Really all I’m worried about is the competition with my nine other high school girl friends. I don’t want to be the one to look the oldest in 10 years!) So what do I do? Well, what any logical person would do – I decide to splurge for a medium pressure instead of a conventional bed. They’re supposed to be, like, miraculously free of wrinkle- and cancer-inducing rays, right? Right. (That’s what she said.)

So I went to my usual tanning place, Desert Sun, where they always have a deal for JUST THAT DAY, which always happens to be the day I go in. I must be one lucky bitch.

I listened to the girl at the front desk tell me about all the special New Years deals they had. Payment plans, buy 20 for the price of 10, etc., etc., etc.

“Hmm. I don’t know if that’s going to work for me. I don’t have $200 to spend on tanning right now,” I explained to her.

But she continued to go on and on and on about all their deals (clearly not understanding my “no money” line because she goes to college and lives off her parents. GAWD. Those were the days!), and finally settled on what she considers “cheap.”

“Well, what we can do is split the payments up for you, so you’d only have to pay $61 this month, then we can choose whatever day you want the $61 to come out of your account in the next couple months.”

“But I have $66 in my bank account,” I finally say, to get her to jump to the deals I might really afford.

She sorta just awkwardly laughed, and continued on her tanning package bit, naming price after price for me.

“What about blah blah blah for $99 – we throw in two tans of your choice! Unless you weren’t joking about only having $66 in your bank account.”

“Nope. Wasn’t joking. $66.”

“Oh – well we can do this package for $40.”

“Nope. I need to go out this weekend.”

After which she just sorta looked at me like a nut job. Should I feel embarrassed that a 20-year-old college girl who works at a tanning salon is judging my financial irresponsibilities? Remember what I said below about a damaged bank account from “sexy suede boots, expensive makeup, luxurious lingerie and more earrings than you could count”?! I forgot to mention booze in that list. Lots and lots of booze. That’ll drain you of any sort of savings account future.

Oh, and pedicures, fancy haircuts and colors, and tanning. Basically I’m always one paycheck away from living in a cardboard box and dipping Ramen noodles in oil for flavor.

But, a girl has to have her priorities. And I’d rather look good in my 20s than retire in luxury in my 60s…

Or something.

Currently Feeling: Tired and headachy still.
Currently Anticipating: My birthday party on Sunday!
Currently Loving: My newly, organized and labeled filed bin with ALL the bills I need to catch up on. Fun!