Goodbye Corporate America, Hello Office on the Beach!

SO, I’m applying to The Best Job in the World. Have you heard of it yet?

It’s real! It’s real! It’s not even one of those Internet scams…

Apparently, Australian tourism hatched a scheme to protect their 8 billion dollar industry – tourism – from THE.RECESSION. They are hiring one candidate for a six-month contract to fly to the Great Barrier Reef and discover “what the area has to offer.” You’re instructed to explore, snorkel, swim and then all ya gotta do is blog about it with some entertaining words, photos and vlogs. (Oh, and a little fish feeding, pool cleaning and mail collecting). The person who is hired will be paid $150,000 and a plain ticket from their home country to Queensland, Australia.

For reals?! Yep. I’ve checked it out, and even though the Web site is up and down due to the overload of traffic, the job announcement is all over the news sites, and those running the program are even following their applicants on Twitter. (Now that’s smart recruiting).

Kiss my grits!

So, I’ve started to brainstorm a bit about what my video application might be. (60 seconds or less) to tell them just how amazing, eloquent and charismatic I am. (Perhaps I should avoid the booby shaking from my recent video), BUT, I have become quite skilled as a back-up dancer lately, so that might be an option…

Any suggestions?

Wow. It’s like I’m young enough to apply to Real World all over again! (And they say life is over at 25). Pshaw!

Currently Feeling: Zippity doo dah.
Currently Anticipating: My Moroccan birthday dinner tonight with my parents, boyfriend and bestie. Sunday is the BIG celebration!
Currently Loving: The new wine glasses my coworker bought me with a little chalkboard on the front, so I can write my name, my mood or something fun on my glass!

Uuuuunh. Those are my tots! Gosh!

Hello Monday! Got another crazy bus story for you today.

So, this morning on my way into work I was reading, per usual, and noticed somewhere behind me that it seemed a woman was talking to herself. It’s not uncommon for someone on the bus to have a conversation a la one, so I didn’t pay much attention or even glance back at first. Except I kept hearing this lady talk to herself, so, as the bus cleared at one of the major stops downtown, I glanced back.

She was standing by the back door, but appeared somewhat normal. (By this, I mean not a crazy bum. Although, that’s what I thought with the nose picker too). She looked a bit professional, dressed up in all black, but she did have a black headscarf and big black sunglasses on, which was slightly odd.

Anyway, she started to sound really pissed, and paced back and forth a bit.

“Uuuunnnh. God Dammit,” she groaned.

This time I strained my ears to hear what the hec the problem was, and I heard this:

“You need to stop hearing voices. Hearing voices is a serious mental illness. I know, I understand, but hearing voices is not okay…”

Um, lady. I hate to break it to you, but I think it might be too late.

Currently Feeling: Proud of my room overhaul organization and cleaning mission this weekend.
Currently Anticipating: My birthday dinner tomorrow with my parents, Mike and Bestie Amanda.
Currently Hating: Busy, stressful Mondays. Grrr.

An open-ended letter to an important part of my future

Dear Marriage and Babies,

You give me hives.

I wish I was being facetious. I’m not. Lately, I increasingly feel anxious – like I’m going to have a god damn panic attack and be admitted to the loony bin –when I hear about a friend getting engaged, or how you, Marriage, are “a lot of hard work” or even worse, divorce. And I’m teetering on stark-raving crazy, Babies, when I hear about how hard it is to have you, the whole pregnancy gig, postpartum depression, etc. I start to feel a bit short of breath, and this big ole uncomfortable, nervous lump forms – like a butterfly in my chest.

Yesterday I read Dooce’s post/discussion about what’s more difficult, Babies or Marriage. She wrote about how she *literally* checked herself into a mental hospital six months after experiencing you for the first time, Babies, and how she’s been through countless hours of counseling on her own and with her husband, to improve you, Marriage. Well, it all just gave me that constricted, hives feeling again. And I want to shout, “Don’t Make Me Do It, Captain!”

I bet you anything, if asked, Dooce would say it was ALL worth it. Everyone would. But, I don’t buy it. I mean, I’ve heard speeches from people who have lost limbs, been addicted to painkillers, or been through cancer, and they all say they wouldn’t change anything because “it makes them who they are today.” Great. Congratulations. That still doesn’t mean that I want to experience what they did. And right now, I’m not sure that I want to experience you, Marriage or Babies, anytime in the next decade.

I want to live in my carefree 20s forever, and never cross the bridge into your unchartered adult waters. I never feel old enough for either of you. When I hear about people in high school who are married with babies, I screech, “But we’re only TWENTY-SIX!” And this year it’ll be, “But we’re only TWENTY-SEVEN!” And I’m sure I’ll be singing the same tune at 28 and 29 too.

See, I know I want both of you, SOME DAY. It’s just that that some day is always in the future, even as the years go by. When will I feel PRESENT about you? I try to talk to my girl friends about how uncomfortable or not ready I am for either of you, but half of them give me the countdown speech:

Well, we need to have Babies in our 30s because if you have one in your 40s, then YOU’LL.JUST.DIE, and you want your first kid at 30, 32 at the latest, and you want a few years with your husband before having kids, which is 28 or 29 – and you probably want to be engaged for at least a year or more before Marriage so that’s 26 or 27, and you, ideally, want to date your potential husband for a couple years before getting engaged, so you should have met him, like, yesterday.

And this is supposed to make me feel better? My anxiety just increased 10 fold.

Everyone wants to know these days if I can picture myself with my significant other and you, Marriage. “Are you guys going to get MAHWIED?” is all I hear. The eff if I know. It’s not that I can’t see myself with him, necessarily, it’s just that I. don’t. think. about. it. I know some hopeless romantics are reading this right now and saying the quintessential Polly Prissy Pants line, “Well that just means he’s not THE ONE for you.” Riiight. And they know this because…they read it in their crystal ball?

Really, all I can think about is keeping my sanity. And my bank account. Cause it’s damaged enough as it is. And by sexy suede boots, expensive makeup, luxurious lingerie and more earrings than you could count. NOT by 14-tiered mascarpone cakes, house payments, diaper service, nannies or sippy cups. And the latter list is SO much less appealing than the first, so I’d rather not trade. Thankyouverymuch, Marriage and Babies.

So please, please, can I drag out these “single” 20s for as long as possible? And can my friends stop giving me the countdown speech, or can you cover my ears every time there’s any dose of “reality,” along the lines of cracked nipples or losing the *spark* in the bedroom, coming my way? Cause really, what about that gives me something to look forward to? I’d like to live in my little 20-something bubble, without either of you, for as long as humanly possible.

I’ll get back to you when I change my mind.

Thanks,
20-Something

Innovation, or something

I thought since a few of you bought Ork posters after my pre-Christmas post about them, you’d be interested in how I hung mine. See, if you splurge for the screen print instead of the poster, you get an irregular-sized, hard-to-frame piece of art. (13×26″) I went to three different stores, trying to find a frame that would work. The only option was to frame REALLY big and then mat the edges, which would cost minimum $75. I wasn’t really in the market to spend a ton on framing; I just wanted to get the dang thing hung. (I’ll hang it in an expensive, custom frame when my bank account allows for it.)

So, here’s where crafty BFs come in handy. Baby Daddy offered to construct a frame for me out of materials at Home Depot. Two pieces of Plexiglas, four gold nuts and bolts, a drill and one yard of matching ribbon later, and I had a modern, industrial (with a hint of girl) frame for the screen print.

Ta da! I love being thrifty.

–
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

Why you don’t date early 20-somethings in your late-20s

A girl friend of mine recently told me how excited she was about this new guy she met at the bar on Christmas night, whom she described as good looking and affectionately shy with a cute name. (Why are guys just a bit sexier when they have a cute name? Bestie Amanda and I loved the name of a boy we recently met, Israel. How cute is that name?!) Anywho, I was super excited for her until she told me the guy was only 22. I’m not usually one to rain on a friend’s parade, but I had to be honest – I do NOT condone dating guys in their early 20s. Why? Because I’ve done it, and it was terrible. Now, I’m sure there are some great young 20-something guys out there, but no thanks. From my experience, they tend to be a bit flighty and flaky – only interested in hopping from one girl to the next. And at 24 and 25, I wanted to meet someone worth dating, and if it progressed into other things – great! I wasn’t interested in being someone’s Flavor of the Month. So, I have a hard time being positive about the situation when a friend embarks on the early 20-something adventure. There’s usually no good to come of it.

Long story short – my girl friend decided to try it out anyway, despite my warnings. Who could blame her? I’ve always preached my “I’ll try anything once” policy. Besides, I’m okay with a little game of I Told You So.

So, my girl friend went on an official date with him last night, and she sent me the following laundry list this morning about why she discovered they’re in TOTALLY different places in their life, and she doesn’t see it going anywhere. I nearly spit my coffee out after reading her list. He:

• Has never traveled, and doesn’t really want too
• Has no interest in going into Seattle from the suburb he lives in
• Doesn’t like to spend more than $10 on a meal
• Smokes weed
• Deals weed
• Likes to set off fireworks and “blow shit up”
• Has ADD
• Let his 21-year-old ex, who works at a tanning salon, move in with him because she cant afford anything
• But by “move in with him,” he really meant “move in with his parents” because he’s still in college and lives at home
• They went to Costco to buy groceries [before their date] for his MOM

Dream lover come rescue meeee!

NOT.

Currently Feeling: Stressed out about this article I have to have written by the end of the week, but really enjoying researching for it.
Currently Anticipating: Five days of fun events and parties!
Currently Listening To: My all time favorite – Pearl Jam. I’ll never grow out of them.

Startin’ my New Years off right

By stepping up my bacon game. I've always wanted to try bacon salt, and
the breakfast place we chose (Mae's Phinney Ridge Cafe) has it on the
table!
–
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

What I want to accomplish in 2009

I’m all about goals – a tidy little list that I can review and check off. Plans and goals are the way of my life. So, I’ve decided to make a short little list, in addition to my long term Bucket List, of the things I want to specifically accomplish in 2009:

• Take a Spanish class
• Start my social media blog/resume site
• Buy a bike and ride to work at least a couple times this summer
• Get a “Live, Laugh, Love” tattoo on my foot
• Run in the 5K Fremont Oktoberfest BrewHaHa race
• Take a jewelry making class so I can learn to make some sweet, big dangley earrings and possibly open an Etsy shop
• Purchase my Seattle Zagat quide and start checking off a few of those restaurants!
• Figure out the school I want to go to for grad school for a Masters in Digital Media/Social Media, and apply by the end of the year

I think that’s a pretty great list! Onward and upward toward living life to my FULLEST!

xoxo
Je