Quest for the Holy Grail

Did you know that they melted down the Holy Grail and made it into a bike? I know this because I went on a personal quest for it today.

(Holding coconuts) Clop, clop, clop.*

About a month ago, my BF went to a sports store in Seattle that is going out of business and was having a huge sale. His mission: a new bike. While I was at this sports store, I found a girls bike leaning in the corner, and I sat on it to ride it around the store. Mostly out of boredom. I’ve had a trusty mountain bike that I got for Christmas in 10th grade, and I never felt the need to upgrade since I’m not an avid rider. Except I fell in love with this bike during the two loops that I made around the store. It had handle bars that perfectly curved back for women’s smaller arms. The seat was on a suspension system that would gently sit back every time you moved or went over a bump. (Which I later found is patented to K2). AND, it was cute and girly with flowers on the frame. I wanted it bad. The price tag, however, wasn’t something I was prepared for. So, I sadly left the bike at the store.

In the next month, all I could think about was the bike. I told everyone I knew about it. I pictured how DIFFERENT my life would be – “If I had this bike, I’d ride it everywhere, and I’d get totally skinny and HOT,” I’d say inside my head. “I’ll start riding my bike to work! I won’t eat Taco Bell at 2 a.m. or make Belgium waffles so I can dip them in cream cheese frosting anymore!” (Someone please throw out the tub of frosting that is still sitting in my fridge from my BF’s birthday cake. Please). I went to the Web site and drooled at it – I read reviews and decided that I MUST have this bike.

Yesterday I found it on Amazon.com for nearly half the price. I decided it was going to be mine. But when went to make the purchase today, I realized the only size they had was meant for girls 5’9’’ and above. Let me tell you, that’s not me. I do not originate from The Amazon. My heart sank. I startled Googling for the bike, but I couldn’t find the size and model I needed anywhere for sale in ALL of the Internet universe. WTF?

K2 listed REI as their only retail provider, but REI’s site didn’t have the bikes. I was getting a little nervous. I decided to call all the REIs in the state of Washington, desperate for one last in-store model. Store 1, none. Store 2, none. Store 3, not the model I wanted. Store 4, not the model I wanted. Store 5 was all too kind to tell me that K2 is discontinuing their bikes, and pretty much “you don’t have a chance in hell in finding it.”

I started to panic. Finally, one store searched their inventory lists and told me they had one in the size I needed in Oregon, one in New Jersey and one a size larger at a local store.

I started to feel a bit jittery and nervous as I dialed the number to the local store. I’d make the size a little bit larger work! I’d where platform sandals every time I rode it! I HAD.TO.HAVE this bike!

“Ohhhh. I think we just sold that this morning,” the guy in the local REI’s bike department told me.

F*&#!

I had most definitely fallen in love with the Holy Grail of bicycles.

I made the one last phone call to the REI in Oregon for the bike. This was my only chance at true bike love. Otherwise, I was destined to be bitter and trip all the girls I ever see who were lucky enough to buy this bike before it turned into the Holy Grail. The store in Oregon hadn’t sold theirs yet AND it was the color I wanted (something I was going to budge on, but I wanted the pink one over the red, obvs.)

VICTORY! VICTORY!

This sweet little number is going to be on her way to me this week:

I can’t wait! I better go finish the tub of frosting before she gets here…

*If you got that reference. You rock. If you didn’t, you must go watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail immediately.

Currently Feeling: Stressed out about this project I have to launch next Wednesday at work. I can’t seem to focus, and it’s not done. Grr.
Currently Anticipating: Happy hour and a night out tonight, hanging out with a long lost girl friend tomorrow night and the Seattle Cheese Festival on Sunday at Pike Place Market!
Currently Loving: That it’s going to be in the 70s this weekend! Hello sunshine! I think I’m in love with you.

What I wish I knew then, I guess I know now

Writing Prompt: If you could write a letter to your younger self, giving advice for troubles that will happen in the future, what would it look like? What would you say? Would the letter be funny, or would it be serious? (from Apricot Tea., check out her new project – Ask Apricot)

Dear Younger Self,

It’s me, Older Je. I’m here from the future, briefly, to tell you a few things you should grasp tight in your memory and not let go of. Tidbits of advice, if you will, to help tackle some stuff that you’ll find hard, a perspective on the things to come and a few words to still your mind. If I could be there with you then, this is what I’d tell you:

First and foremost – stop feeling bad in your skin. It’s you. The only body you’ll ever have; and it could be a lot worse. Let me tell you, every time you’ve felt squishy or pudgy or unlike the pretty girls in the magazines, I’ve looked back on pictures of you, and you looked like a million bucks. I only wish I could have that figure right now. I work every day to get it back. So dammit, put on a f*cking bathing suit in public and prance around. Kick your toes in sand. Bend over and pick up your beach towel without putting a T-shirt on. Look in a mirror and appreciate what your momma gave you.

Speaking of momma – try to let up a little. You’ll look back of some of the stuff you said and did to hurt her feelings, and it’ll sting. She’s great, and all she’s ever wanted in life is to be a fabulous mother, and your best friend. And while she might be a little hard on you (yes, I still agree Bs are not a bad thing and a midnight curfew blows), she molded you into what you’ll soon become – smart and independent. A lot of girls don’t get a supportive family. Appreciate that they love you so much they’re willing to push you, ask what you’re doing and punish you. It might feel like you’ll never agree, but trust me, she’s a great friend waiting in your future, and she’s worth it.

You know what’s not worth it though? Credit cards, a poor credit score and calling your parents to bail you out because you lost your job and can’t pay your bills, or living paycheck to paycheck and barely squeaking by. Or not being able to drive your car cause you spent your last $9 on Snickers ice cream and Oreos while drunk one night instead of gas to get to work. This one is easy – stop freakin’ spending. Stop it. Now. The eight sweater coats in every color and length that you couldn’t live without – they’ll be the ugliest thing you’ll see in a couple years, so you don’t need all of them. And that poncho. And those jelly sandals. And that suede Pocahontas-looking jacket. It’s all just material junk that you’ll look around at, unable to sell it for any sort of value, and wish you had all that money back to pay off your credit cards.

I know you’ve never been good at money – but you’ve always been good at friendships. Keep that up. Friends and your family – they are what matter – not the latest fashion, or 46 tubes of the shiniest lip gloss, or the car you can’t live without and the perfect vase for your living room. Just remember – there are a few of these people you’re going to lose too soon, and it’ll be hard to grasp or understand. So always return that phone call, and always visit when you feel you don’t have the time. Because you’re going to look back and wish you did.

And finally, I’m here from the future to tell you to stop worrying so much about me. Take it one day at a time. Here’s a tip – you’re not going to be married at 27. So chances are you’re not going to have your first kid at 30. And guess what; it’s all going to be okay. You’re not going to love your job, but you’re working toward smaller goals and you’re figuring it out. All the answer won’t be at your fingertips when you thought they would be, but you’re well on your way. You’ll discover that living in the moment is much more rewarding than always worrying about the future, so why not start that now? That job you felt like you’d never get – you’ll get it. So continue to sling coffee and live for free off your parents. You’ll never be that free of responsibility again. That relationship you thought would never come – life is full of love and being alone is some of the best times you’ll have to grow. So stop moping on the couch because you couldn’t find something to do for one night. Relax, take a breather and let it all just come, one day at a time…

Love,
Older Je

Je’s a REBEL, Vigilante

A text message conversation I just had with my boyfriend:

Him: Good morning. xoox have a good day.
Me: Ditto BF. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.
Him: That’s a lot

Hrm. My boyfriend is obviously aware of my rebellious proclivities. Dammit. I’ve been found out! I’m unsure if that’s a good thing, or a bad thing. Maybe there is a reason I was voted Biggest Rebel in high school. (An award that I don’t have hanging on my wall, for some strange reason. But something that still gives me a laugh to this day.)

What can I say, I find life a little more exciting with a little bit of danger and MISssstery.

I think I’ll make Greenday’s She’s a Rebel my new life lyrics:

She’s Je’s a rebel
She’s Je’s a saint
She’s Je’s salt of the earth
And she’s Je’s dangerous

She’s Je’s a rebel
Vigilante
Missing link on the brink
Of destruction

(!!!)

Currently Feeling: A little sore from the 30-Day Shred I did last night – the first time back on the wagon after a month of slacking! But Jillian Michaels makes me feel so great!
Currently Anticipating: BBQing it up on my new George Foreman outdoor bbq grill a little more this week. It works like a charm! I had corn on the cob for the first time since last summer – SO good!
Currently Reading: Hunting and Gathering by Anna Gavalda.

A Day for Just the Ladies

Happy Mother’s Day to all your moms and mine!

I spent this year’s sunny mother’s day with just my mom and my little sister; my dad got called into work at the last minute, which actually allowed for a girls day only with the three of us. While my dad is nothing short of awesome, but we rarely get girls days, so it was a blessing in disguise.

We started off with brunch at Alexa’s Garden Café – a tiny little café that’s located in a greenhouse within a plant nursery, surrounded by lush greenery and koi ponds. The weather was sunny, so it was a perfect way to start the day. I loved the café because the prices were inexpensive, and you could order half orders of all their meals for even smaller portions or prices. I ordered an omelet with cream cheese, maple bacon (!!!), green onions and tomatoes. And because I am genius, I gave my mom a gift certificate to spend on plants after breakfast since she likes that sort of thing, and I figured one day looking at plants wouldn’t kill me. (I was wrong. It almost did.)

Next, we ventured to the Fremont Sunday Market – an outdoor artsy flea market located in a hippie neighborhood of Seattle. It’s one of my all-time favorite markets (next to Pike Place) because of the eclectic booths – flowers; handmade soaps; silkscreened T-shirts; glass-blown vases; photography and art prints; spices from exotic lands; cookies, Indian food and wood fire pizza; antiques and local fashion designs. I almost always come home with something spectacular – this time, with a metallic pink pair of oversized granny sunglasses that I’m going to rock a lot this summer. We picked up a BBQ Pork Hum bow and a small bag of kettlecorn to get us through shopping the market.

On the way back to the car, we stopped by Theo Chocolate factory to buy my ALL.TIME.FAVORITE candies – Big Daddy’s. A square of buttery graham cracker crust topped with caramel and marshmallow made from scratch, and then coated in milk chocolate. They are simply DEvine.

Finally, we wrapped up the day with a trip to Molly Moon’s Homemade Ice Cream – a somewhat new ice cream shop in Seattle that is being raved about, most recently being featured in Bon Appetit magazine as one of the top 10 ice cream shops in the nation. I’ve heard rumors about lines around the block, but luckily we chose a day when most are at brunch with their moms instead of ordering a single scoop of Birthday Cake ice cream in a homemade waffle cone that is still slightly warm and chewy from the waffle iron. My mom opted for the Pomegranate Curry flavor, and my sister ordered Salted Caramel. Other interesting flavors worth noting: Balsamic Strawberry, Salted Black Licorice, and “Scout” Mint made from Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies.

To say we ate our way through Mother’s Day is an understatement. It was glorious.

Currently Feeling: Rushed with work this week – focus, focus, focus!
Currently Anticipating: Trader Joe’s Stuffed Peppers for lunch.
Currently Needing: A new book. I’m going to head out on lunch to pick one out, but think I’ll check Amazon’s Best Sellers list first.

This week, in all bacon-related news, the BF received the first month’s shipment from his Bacon of the Month club. Along with two pounds of bacon, he received a Bacon is Meat Candy shirt and a bacon air freshener. It’s remaining to see if he’ll actually wear this shirt in public or if the air freshener actually smells like bacon. I’ll report back on both items.

Saturday morning (for breakfast, go figure), we cracked open one of the one-pound packages – Honey BBQ Rubbed bacon from Boss Hog.

I’d love to tell you that it was amazing, to-die-for and you should all run out and sign up for the club immediately. However, the bacon was so salty I couldn’t finish it. COULDN’T FINISH MY BACON. That is something that’s never happened to me in my entire life. And the “hickory smoked” flavor tasted like it’d been sitting in a bonfire for three days. I could smell the smoked scent in my hair or on my skin for all of Sunday. Conclusion: I’m not a fan of hickory smoked bacon. Hopefully the other packages will be better…

On the agenda for next weekend: Trying Bakon Vodka. The first and only manufactured bacon vodka out there, that is by all luck, only available in Seattle and launched last week! I’m on a personal mission to buy a bottle and try out some cocktails to share here with all of you.

Stay tuned for updates here!

Bad luck in the Random Shiz That Goes On department

I have some serious bad luck in the Random Shiz That Goes On department.

I don’t think I’d consider myself a clumsy person – I don’t generally have a problem with dropping things, falling over, tripping, etc. But I do have a problem with little mishaps and sometimes I just do stupid shiz, so I guess I might be a little accident prone.

It appears as if I have to “initiate” myself into a new home with one of these little accidents before my body, mind and soul can feel comfortable there. It’s becoming a tradition.

For example, for those of you who are new readers, when I moved into my old apartment about two years ago, I came home after an all-nighter at the bars and accidentally knocked deodorant out of the cabinet above the toilet after flushing it, and it was SUCKED UP the freakin’ toilet. Full story is here. Can you believe that? How does that happen? So, for at least the first week, the toilet was out of order while my landlord called a plumber. The whole debacle cost me $75. For bumping something out of the GD cupboard. Anybody else and the deodorant would have probably just fallen to the ground. But oh no, me – well, for me, it has to actually be timed just perfectly to be sucked up the toilet, clog it and cost me a mighty large fee for a drunken stumble. Bad luck in the Random Shiz That Goes On department.

So, last week was my first week living in the sexy new place, and I was packing away with bated breath, waiting for me to do something stupid. I almost lost an entire 16 ounces of dark iced tea all over the white carpet while walking into my room on the first night – but I caught it at the last minute. Phew. Looks like I was going to escape being a retard* just this once.

The next evening I was making dinner and hanging some pictures in the kitchen (I’m an ultimate multitasker), so I go to pick up the hammer, and the edge catches the plastic container of nails and screws that I have, and the ENTIRE freakin’ container FALLS into the SINK with the GARBAGE DISPOSAL and at least 10 NAILS and other metal objects fall DOWN the disposal.

F*%#$@!

Now, because garbage disposals and gross food particles kinda give me the gag reflex, I told my roommate not to use it, put a plug over it and waited, sneakily for my boyfriend to come over a couple days later so I could ask him to fish out the nails for me, via the form of a “favor.”

Saturday morning I woke up and started off with, “I’ll make you breakfast if you do a favor for me.”

“Are you serious? Like what…” he eyes me warily. At this point, I’ve already enlisted him for moving my entire apartment, helping me break down and take out all the cardboard boxes, hanging items I can’t hang myself, storing a lot of my stuff I can’t fit at my place in his garage, and cleaning my old apartment. Some might say I’m running a slave relationship. I just say this is the reason why girls have boyfriends next to the fact that battery-operated items sometimes get old.

So I explain the nails to him, and he shakes his head, rolls up his sleeve and starts to fish around for NAILS and SCREWS in the garbage disposal. Of course, when I explained it to him, I just said, “a few.” I didn’t say “nearly the entire box.” So by screw number four and nail number eight, he was starting to get a bit frustrated with me. After about 40 minutes of fishing and a few scraped knuckles, he couldn’t see anymore, so we turned the disposal on.

RUUUHHH RUUHHHH SCUUUUUGG RUUH. zuuuuuu uuu uu u

The sucker stopped spinning. After further inspection, we still couldn’t find any more nails – so that means one is probably stuck somewhere we can’t reach, preventing it from spinning, and now I’ve broken the GD garbage disposal in week one and have to call my landlord to fix it.

The BF flicked off the switch, shook his head and looked at me.

I know exactly what he was thinking….

How in the HELL do you do this shiz?!

How?! I’ll tell you how – because I have BAD LUCK IN THE RANDOM SHIZ THAT GOES ON DEPARTMENT.

*I’m sorry if this term offends you. If it does, you should probably not read the blog. Hence the terms of my profile. Perhaps I should amend it to say, “I drink, fornicate and use the word retard a lot, therefore I’m not going to heaven.”

Currently Feeling: Jazzed up for the 30-day challenge I just enlisted myself in. Check it out!
Currently Anticipating: A dinner tonight to celebrate my Bestie’s one-year return to home, a boat festival and parade on the Seattle waterfront tomorrow in 66-degree weather (!!!) and a lovely Sunday planned for Mother’s Day, including brunch at a new spot in Ballard.
Currently Needing: Some really great summer/spring shoes.

Subliminal Sunshine

For me, one of the hardest things about Seattle spring is that she’s a great big tease. One day it’ll be beautiful and warm, allowing for a T-shirt, outdoor car wash and a bike ride (Sunday), and the next day it’ll be torrential downpours and 20+ MPH winds (yesterday and today).

We’re supposed to have sunshine again this weekend, but in the meantime I’m having to suffer through some pretty ugly days. This might explain why I’m attracted to everything sunny, bright and yellow right now…my subconscious is ready for the brighter, lighter side of life – spring and summer, which I’m hoping are just around the corner.

So, last night I got a pedicure with one of my girl friends from college before wine and homemade Phad Thai at my house. Instead of opting for my usual hot pink, I went with bright yellow toes for the first time. [Update: The nailpolish is O.P.I's Cabana Banana. It's a discontinued color, but you can find it on eBay.]

Outside the pedicure salon in my neighborhood is a cute little clothing boutique that is my favorite in ALL of Seattle – Peridot. They always have a rockin’ sales rack, and I’ve found some stellar, unique tops for like $19.99. Last night I picked up one of those feather headbands that have been showing up in recent fashion. I thought I didn’t really dig them, but then I tried one on last night and fell in love.

Now all I need is the bright yellow sunshine to accesorize my finds!

Currently Feeling: A lot happier and content than I’ve felt in a long time.
Currently Anticipating: A Cinco de Mayo potluck tonight with carne asada, bean dip, margaritas and beer. Even without the sunshine, the celebration must go on!
Currently Loving: The glittery garland of hanging butterflies I bought for my room last week from Fireworks.

Ain’t no weekend like a successful weekend

The mustache party Friday night for my boyfriend’s 30th was a hit. It’s endlessly entertaining to take photos with ‘staches – I think I’ll bust them out on the next gray Seattle day. By the time everyone showed up to the bar (people are always notoriously late), I was a pitcher and a half deep, and I completely forgot to take very many pictures, sing my boyfriend happy birthday or take a picture of him with the cake. Some host I am.

Saturday I stayed in bed and watched movies with the BF – Bride Wars, super cute, but just confirms my suspicions that brides are crazy and weddings are the devil; The Uninvited – sorta creepy, but super confusing at the end; and Twilight – I broke down and rented it, but fell asleep. Oh bummer. Boyfriend said he didn’t mind it.

The only thing productive I did that day was hit up The Cheesecake Factory for 30th birthday celebration #3! I’m going to get fat from the BF’s birthday. I ordered BBQ salmon and it was delish. In fact, everything slathered in BBQ sauce is delish. I could probably eat baby diapers and frog eyeballs if it were covered in BBQ…BF’s dad ordered a slice of banana cream cheesecake, and I about died and went to heaven. I stole approximately three bites off his plate, am definitely going to order that next time and am seriously contemplating making banana pudding this week.

Sunday I was uber productive – amazing what a day without a hangover can produce. I was like the Energizer Bunny after three shots of espresso and a RockStar energy drink. I made the BF breakfast, finally used the Starbucks espresso machine my parents handed down to me more than a year ago, finally cleaned and cleared the last little bit out of my old apartment (hey – have I mentioned how much moving sucks?), wrapped up a work project I didn’t complete (or start, haha) last week cause I was slacking, took an hour bike ride on the Burke-Gilman trail, did a wine tasting at Columbia Winery, ate dinner at a super great place in Redmond called Ooba’s Mexican Grill, and washed my car/cleaned out my trunk/detailed the inside for the first time since last SUMMER. I’d been driving around with an egg that some jack a$$ threw at my car last July, if that tells you anything. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the greatest at car maintenance.

All in all, the weekend was great success!

Currently Feeling: Super excited about the press my company is getting for my work in social media.
Currently Anticipating: Cinco de Drinko potluck tomorrow at Bestie Amanda’s BF’s house!
Currently Loving: Breakfast sandwiches made with herb cream cheese, a melted Kraft single and Canadian bacon! Mmm.

After a one-week hiatus because I was moving, Bacon! Bacon! Bacon! (Saturdays for breakfast…) has returned – just in time for the birthday addition (no, not the H1N1 edition, I refuse to utter those words on my blog).

As most of you know because of the lovely boob cake creation I shared this week, Thursday was my boyfriend’s birthday. And because we’re bound by bacon love – I was sure to include a lot of bacon in his birthday gift. Among other things, I gifted him with a Bacon of the Month membership because, really, what is greater than receiving some greasy swine every month in the mail?

And, I threw in some bacon-flavored toothpicks and breakfast floss (bacon floss included), all wrapped up in neat little bacon wrapping paper.

I think we’re becoming bacon obsessed together. Bacon love. It’s a good thing we’re not fat (yet), otherwise it’d be fatty bacon love. And nothing’s worse than that.