And so it goes

Reeling. Reeling plus moments of elation. Ever felt that?

I imagine there are a few BIG moments or changes in life when this happens. Moving to a new city for a job – elation because you scored a great position at a great company, reeling from the unknown. Marriage – elation because you’re marrying the person you love with every atom of your being, reeling because it’s TILL DEATH DO YOU PART, or a mucky divorce. Childbirth – elation because you have a little human in your hands that is 50% you and 50% the person you love, reeling because you have no.idea what it means to be a parent; what if you poke them with diaper pins, or cut their fingernails wrong?

Reeling. Reeling plus moments of elation. This is me right now.

I came into work yesterday with a 10 a.m. “touch base” calendar invite from my boss. A calendar invite with no details, the day after you just “touch based” on all your projects, is never good. I was sweating a little bit, knowing that I was probably getting a lecture of some sort for something I’d done wrong.

You never think it’s going to be you.

“This is really tough, budgetary cuts, it’s not performance based, blah, blah BLAH.”

Ladies and gents, step right up, welcome to unemployment. Yes, yes, I am part of the recent, ever growing statistic. It’s funny, one of the first things that went through my mind was, “Well this is a bad luck dress.” I’ll never put it on again without thinking, “This is what I was wearing the day I got LAID.OFF.”

Needless to say, my mind has been reeling.

Reeling from the financial instability. It’s scary to have your expendable income taken away. I spent yesterday canceling the frivolous – no more executive club gym membership (thankfully, the summer sun allows for jogging, bike riding and rollerblading outside), no more tanning membership (probably better for avoiding da cancer anyway). I looked in the mirror, and thought about how bad I need a color and cut, but just can’t justify it. Nor can I justify the pedicures. I’ve thought about all that I can sell and am planning to have that garage sale I was planning a month ago. I’m kicking myself over the last three pairs of shoes I bought, the bike, the books, the clothes, the jewelry. You always wish you had some sort of warning; maybe I’d been a little bit more frugal. I went to the grocery store yesterday, and it gave me a headache to analyze every purchase and put back items I wanted but didn’t really need. I have spent so long not thinking twice about money; it’s an adjustment, to say the least. I gave myself a stomach ache, calculating my severance and my 401K, minus my living expenses. I’ve already started pinching pennies – who knows how long this will last.

And then occasionally, I’ll go “OMG.I.DON’T.HAVE.A.JOB.” Will I have to move out of the fancy apartment I love and back home with my parents? Will I have to sell my car? How long will it last? I have to interview and apply for jobs again…right away… Right.Away. I have to update the resume…have to practice interviewing again…need to search job Web sites daily…

Reeling.

But then I get bouts of elation.

I DON’T HAVE TO GET UP AND GO TO WORK! NO MORE TGIFs. NO MORE BLAH MONDAYS.

That, to say the least, is just a little bit exciting. I never liked my job. I was doing some of what I wanted, but the position turned out to be completely different than what I thought it was going to be. I didn’t like my company, or what we stood for. (I can say all this now that I don’t have to worry about losing my job). I went from a global nonprofit, where my job was to run a program for villages in Africa, to a company that is driven by the bottom dollar, rich old white men, and working long days so our client – the broker – can make 15 million a year instead of 5. I had zero drive to stand behind the company. And I’ve realized this is something I need in a job. Not necessarily working for a nonprofit, but at least a bit of pride in my company’s product.

I had a boss that made it hard to get up in the morning. I was treated pretty bad. I left work in tears on numerous occasions; I had anxiety problems for the first eight months; I was scared of her temperament on a daily basis; I was micromanaged to the point where I was nervous every day – nervous that I’d forgotten about item 21 of 40 things to do. Sunday nights were always depressing to me because I was counting down the hours until I had to go back in. I was held under her thumb; I was supposed to do her expenses, call restaurants to make dinner reservations, make her flight arrangements, reserve rooms for her meetings, and grab bottles of water for her and the meeting attendants. I was not hired to be her personal assistant. Let me repeat. I was not hired to be her personal assistant. I felt like my level of education, and skill set in the market, was way beyond what the position ended up being after she lied about what it entailed when I interviewed and took the job.

I was not happy.

And now, I feel elated. Now I get to reclaim a bit of myself. I have had a job, solid, since I was 15. It was McDonald’s (yes, that was my first job, isn’t that awesome?), to waitressing, to being a receptionist at a salon all through college. I worked three jobs during the summer to save up for a two-month backpacking trip in Europe – delivering pizzas, scheduling perms for little old ladies and taking orders at a teriyaki joint where the non-English-speaking owner liked to stick his hands in my back pocket and lift me up in tight, bear hugs (Um, red flag?!). I worked commission-based at a clothing boutique in Seattle where I was in tears nightly because I had an outrageous sales quota to meet, hated pressuring girls to buy, and would get reprimanded each evening for not meeting the quota. The owner liked to tell me to stop eating cause I was a size 8 and their largest size in the store. I worked as a barista straight out of college until I landed my first “real” job at the nonprofit I mentioned above. I worked there for three years, until I transitioned into my last position.

I want. A few days. To myself.

And I want a lot of days with my best friend, who works an opposite schedule from me, and a lot of days with my other friends, who are also unemployed right now. (It’s happening to a lot of us). I want to sunbathe at beaches this summer, hike, read the looong list of books I have in the queue right now (more on that later). I want to rollerblade and bike ride during the day. I want to wear sundresses and flip flops every day. I want to wake up and make an egg scramble and a latte, and write and read blogs. I want to go in paddle boats, float rivers, drink beers, sleep in, stay up late, roast marshmallows at bonfires on the beach. I want.to.enjoy.my.summer. It’s so exciting, I can hardly stand it. I finally have had responsibility lifted off my shoulder for a short time. And I don’t have to feel guilty because the decision was made for me.

Unemployment – elation because I get to reclaim my life for a bit, spend my days doing only what I want to do and find a job I love, reeling because I have a lifestyle I’d like to keep, and I have no idea how long this will last.

Currently Feeling: A little nervous to go back in and clean out my desk.
Currently Anticipating: Lake Chelan this weekend for my BFs work trip!
Currently Loving: Trader Joe’s new fat free frozen yogurt, with a few berries sprinkled on top.

Shots, sake, frozen yogurt, peeing in lakes and boobs

So, the weekend was totally fab and low-key. I’ll spare a big long, boring update with name dropping of people you don’t know (don’t you hate it when bloggers do that) and just give you the highlights, in non bullet format.

First off, the weather is Seattle is so fantastically f*cking fantastic; it’s ridiculous. Usually it rains the better part of June, but it’s been in the 70s minimum for 10 days, 80-degree this past weekend, and reaching into 85-degrees for this week. I’m holding my breath; it’s too awesome to comprehend.

Friday I bought a new pair of CORAL shorts from H&M to wear out for a girl’s night downtown. They are super duper fantastic. Unfortunately, I can’t provide a picture or a link cause H&M is living in the 90s, and you can’t shop online. All I can say is that bike riding is sculpting my legs, and I felt HOT. Not to mention, I want to wear coral every day. It’s so chic, paired with a white top and gold jewelry. I’m going to make it my staple color of the summer. Here’s an example I created on Polyvore to illustrate:

Before heading out, some of my girl friends stopped by to try out the new Burst Bar Shots that were just shipped to me from a lovely person who contacted me through the blog and said, “You look like you like to go out and party with your friends, would you like some free booze?” And I was like, UM YES. (No moral or ethical obligation here). So they arrived Friday. Basically what they are is a shot in one bottle, made by DeKuyper. So instead of buying four bottle of liquor to pour shots for a party, you just buy this one bottle and VOILA. I was sent three flavors – Lemon Drop, Alabama Slammer and Sex on the Beach. The shots taste pretty sweet/syrupy. DeKuyper makes Peach Schnapps, if that gives you an idea. But they do have a kick to them, and are only $11 a bottle, so way cheaper than buying ingredients for shots. I kinda want to check out the Buttershots flavor cause that’s one of the only shots I like to take. Other than that though, I probably won’t make them a regular purchase unless it’s my last dying wish to wake up with a raging hang over from all the sugar.

For dinner, we hit-up Wasabi Bistro – my favorite sushi restaurant in all of Seattle – before heading out to dance. I’m now brave after the sushi 101 and sake tasting class I took, so I ordered sake for the first time, well, ever in my life. It was a pear sake, and opened up my world to a new alcohol I can throw into the mix. Uh oh.

Friday’s Conclusion: I spent uber amounts of money and got super drunk. Sweet!

Saturday my little sis and I floated for a couple hours on Lake Sammamish in the new float the BF and I bought last weekend. For those of you who didn’t click through to my new blog and read the post about Osoyoos Lake – we bought a stellar float that is two inner tubes stuck together with a cooler in the middle. Each inner tube has a mesh bottom, so your butt sits in the water and you can drink brewskies out of the cooler and PEE through the mesh! (No shame here). It’s genius! You don’t even have to get out to go to the bathroom! Needless to say, I’ll be spending the majority of my summer on it.

After floating, she took me to a frozen yogurt place, and I’m kinda gonna go back once a week now. I am SUPER late on this whole frozen yogurt faze like PinkBerry and CrazyBerry – I think it’s been mostly an L.A. thing. But this place, Shnoo Yogurt, is fracking amazing. It’s been voted Seattle’s best yogurt place. They have three flavors – green tea, plain and pomegranate – and a number of cereal and fruit toppings. I opted for a pomegranate yogurt with pieces of moshi, and fresh watermelon and strawberries. The greatest thing about it – it’s fat free and only ~150 calories. Um, YES THANK YOU.

Saturday’s Conclusion: I laid around and ate. AWESOME!

Sunday I went with a girl friend to a bra fashion show to benefit Susan G. Komen for the Cure. The fashion show included bras created by local Seattle stores, restaurants, etc, PINK martinis and the opportunity to wear PINK from head to toe. I opted for a hot pink top with a short black skirt and hot pink high heels… we ate dinner, drank some libations and snagged a couple pink cupcakes while checking out other girls’ racks.

Sunday’s Conclusion: Booze for boobs! Fabulous!

Currently Feeling: A little guilty with all the stuffing my face I did. I feel great in my skin right now, but I need to get back on a strict diet/exercise plan to shed a few more by the dead of summer.
Currently Anticipating: Rollerblading on Alki tonight and checking out a new sushi restaurant – Mashiko. Review hopefully up on Caviar & Campfires tomorrow.
Currently Loving: Not feeling so super stressed and stretched thin at work. Perhaps I’m finally settled in after a year?