My boyfriend has a little boy, The Mini, who turned 6 today.

I don’t blog much about The Mini, or dating a boyfriend with a child, because it’s a pretty personal decision of mine that I find more people are quick to judge than to understand. But, I guess there eventually comes a time and place for everything…

When I first met my BF, the fact he was a father definitely scared the bejesus out of me. I ignored his text messages, told him I just wanted to be friends and wrote a very embarrassing, judgmental post for all the world to read (including his mom and mother of his child) on a dating blog I wrote back then for one of Seattle’s newspapers. Oh how I wish I could take that moment back.

But, I was 25 and a super single (four years to be exact), party animal, socialite extroidonaire. My evenings were my evenings. My mornings were my mornings. I didn’t have to answer to anyone or stay in or reject invitations. Marriage and babies were even further off my mind than they are now. It wasn’t the concept of a child that scared me because I actually happen to love children (if they’re cute and well-behaved. Ha!), but it was more the concept of having a child in my life all.the.time that scared me. I didn’t want to be a mother. Or a stepmother. Or tell my parents and friends that I was dating someone with a child… the whole situation was just not appealing. Better to run quickly away, I thought.

The truth is, I was an On-Paper Snob. I wanted to rattle off all the really amazing attributes and great things of my AMAZING new boyfriend, to everyone who asked. And I didn’t want a child to be part of that list. I cared too much about what other people thought.

But my boyfriend eventually snagged me, dammit. He was cute and thoughtful with a great big heart, and there was a connection and chemistry that you just can’t ignore. I had a bit of a revolving date door over the previous four years, and hadn’t met many men who I’d had that connection with. Or many men who had pursued ME. Who thought I was the cat’s meow. It was tough to ignore… but I was still a little freaked out. I rarely spent the night at his house on the weekends when we first started dating; I did my own thing nearly every night The Mini was around. My boyfriend was always very understanding about my need for space and time – he still is – and he didn’t push anything on me.

I can’t quite put my finger on the timing, but I eventually said to myself, “Here is a man you care about, and if he has something in his life that is his EVERYTHING (aside from you), you need to get to know this Everything.”

His Everything, of course, was his Mini.

So I eventually started planning stuff for the three of us to do together… I took it day by day. I slowly let myself get to know him a little better. Eventually, I stuck around a bit more. Eventually, it felt less awkward.

And since, it’s shocking, even to me, how much my life this last year or so has been enriched by this little 5-year-old who has a little bit of a lisp and won’t eat anything but pineapple pizza, Eggo’s with butter and tortillas. Who loves pirates, sharks and cars – and Swedish fish and marshmallows. (Kid after my own heart). Who calls me “Jenna” instead of “Jeanna,” making him the only human who has ever made a mispronunciation of my name sound so damn endearing. Who asks where I am all the time, but then acts shy or standoffish sometimes when I’m around. Who likes to “Surprise!” jump on me on the couch, sometimes bruising my ribs, and sleep in his own tent when we camp. Who has eyes and eyelashes that will now and forever make all the girls, including me, swoon. Who has a little personality that grows every day – too stubborn to be talked into anything, even simple things like changing his shoes or what movie to rent, and to sweet and well-behaved to be a child of 6.

And then, there’s the whole bit about listening to your boyfriend read Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs, then sing a little bedtime song. It’s pretty damn cute, not gonna lie.

Sometimes, it’s frustrating and feels like the world isn’t fair. Sometimes there’s drama about his ex, sometimes I feel overwhelmed, but for the most part… it’s good.

I’m not The Mini’s mother. And I might never be even a stepmother. But he IS part of my life, and I am part of his. And for that, right now, I feel lucky.

Currently Feeling: Uber groggy! I need to get up earlier than 10 a.m.
Currently Anticipating: Hitting the road for a weekend away with my besties from high school, their boyfriends, and mine!
Currently Loving: That I won two tickets to a wine event next weekend!