I’ve been fluttering around this town (and others) in a state of independence, slowly spinning and spinning into a place where independence starts to feel like a whole, and dependence starts as an itch, slowly creeping into my brain here and there.

I danced under the streetlamps and in front of a fan on high, trying desperately to beat the heat – to beats from a main stage, rock music filling the streets of Seattle.

I learned to hail cabs in New York City, danced until my feet hurt, spent 1 a.m. in Times Square trying to find myself on the jumbo screen, walked the spirals up Frank Loyd Wright’s Guggenheim Museum, sat under a tree by myself in Central Park and secretly stole pictures of couples lying on blankets kissing cause it was all too damn cute and reminded me of a place I was once at.

I picnicked and barbecued at the beach, watched the sun set, and found a new love for hippie reggae beats, which now follows me in headphones to work every week as I walk underneath the shadows of buildings downtown, discovering that there really is no better way to start your day than with a walk in sunshine and no better way to end it than in a bathing suit, people watching at the park.

I rocked a review, scored a raise, and successfully pulled together a conference and a local tech event that I planned all by myself – all while floating rivers and roasting marshmallows over a campfire on the weekends. I’ve let go of summer traditions in the past, and created my own traditions that include just me this time, and some with new friends.

I grilled salmon, churned strawberry frozen yogurt made from scratch, and picked tomatoes and basil from my garden in large quantities. I indulged in quail, rabbit with plum sauce, pork belly buns, watermelon gazpacho, German chocolate cake, and a few birthday cakes too. I enjoyed too many dinners with girls, happy hours on patios, and wine tasting that I care to admit.

I had a closure dinner with an ex, talking over months gone past as if nothing had ever changed, except one very important detail.

I’m independent now.

And underneath it all, I’m healing and the itch of dependence - of someone and something that makes me smile, laugh and want to hold hands and spend all my time with – is starting to take shape again.

And I might have even found someone I want it to take shape with.

Currently Feeling: So strange this week – tired, out of it. Is it the full moon?
Currently Anticipating: A bevy of trips coming up (and possibly a BIG one). Stay tuned for details.
Currently Reading: Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger.

More on this topic...

• An Ultimate Girly Weekend
• Looking back and forward on my year of total happiness
• The Last of the Summericans

Tags: food, girl friends, Music, Seattle Peeps, Summer, swimming, wine, Work

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