An Update on Project Love

A "LOVE" bracelet I received in the mail from a friend

I wrote on Valentine’s Day this year about how my word for the year is LOVE and how I’m starting Project Love in 2012.

To remind you, my goals of Project Love are to:

1. Let LOVE back into my life, not only how I’m showing love, but most importantly how I’m finding it
2. LOVE my body more – think positively about what I love about my body and fuel it with the love of healthy food and working out
3. LOVE strangers more through smiling at those I pass on the streets instead of adverting my eyes
4. LOVE my friends and family from afar through handwritten letters instead of texts, phone calls instead of emails and random acts of kindess to surprise them

I know I’ve been silent about where I’m at with all of it, and don’t think it’s because I haven’t been focusing on LOVE. Quite just the opposite, actually.

Before I update you on the matters of my heart, I’ll start with letting you know that I’m loving myself, and my body, a lot more these days (which was one of my top LOVE goals, this year). My intense “clean diet, feet on the street, less drinking” lifestyle change has gifted me back the figure I felt was missing since at least 28. Just last week I zipped up my skinny skinny jeans and favorite white pants I haven’t worn in years. (!!!) With that confidence boost, I feel like I’m flirting more and feeling a bit more “sexy” again…

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On Love

I’ve been building this post on love in my head since the New Year, so I thought it appropriate to share it with you on Valentine’s Day – a day we’re all thinking about love. I always try to shape each year around goals, bucket lists and intentions (my three mantras in life). This year, I’ve selected and shared my goals and bucket list items with you, but I haven’t shared my intention. I put a lot of shower time, driving time, lying in bed time and general quiet time thoughts into what I wanted to shape my 2012 intention around, and that word for me is LOVE.

I haven’t talked about love and dating on my blog in awhile even though it used to be a large part of sharing my life online through writing. Part of it is me trying to keep that part of my life more personal, and another part of it is a lack of energy or focus on love in my life for a long time. But if I want love to permeate my life this year, it needs to come out. Come out from the dark corners and shadows and live in the forefront and in the light.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about love and what it means to me because I want my year to all-encompass love, not just romantically. I want to love strangers more and plan to do this through trying to smile at everyone I see in passing that I might not know. I want to love my friends and family from afar, and have thought about ways I can do this through handwritten letters instead of texts, phone calls instead of emails and random acts of kindess to surprise them. I want to love my body more – think positively about what I love about my body, fuel it with the love of healthy food and working out and treat it like it’s something I love and want around forever.

And yes, I want to find love again and someone to share this feeling with mutually in happiness and equality, perhaps for eternity.

I’ve only truly been in love once in my life. The twitterpated, glowing, dreamy in love that every girl hopes and wishes to have for the rest of her life (or at least at some point). It happened once, and it was fabulous. And it was painful. But out of it grew a great friendship and also who I am today: a strong, independent woman, but one who might also be a bit afraid to get hurt again and a bit picky because she knows what that love felt like in her past.

I’ve been thinking about that past love a bit more these days – the heart is a lonely hunter. I want to feel that love again.

Throughout my 20s, I’ve buried most of my thoughts about and desires for love. I’ve focused on only dating casually and getting to know myself. I’ve put love on the back burner to focus on friendships, health and the big one: my career. Love has been a past hobby I’d lost interest in, an argument I’ve forgotten about, a friend I’ve let pass out of my life… a phone call I haven’t wanted to return.

In my 30s, I want to let love back in. 2012 is the year I’m reenergizing, rekindling, forgiving and returning LOVE‘s phone call.

I plan on sharing with you my Project Love details here throughout 2012 (and beyond) … the ways I’m letting love back in, how I’m showing love, and most importantly how I’m finding it.

Don’t call it a comeback, I’ve been here for years.

Currently Feeling: Really excited to start a new professional project with a FUN event-based startup in SF. Details soon!
Currently Anticipating: A new weekly “health day” with some girl friends – walks and healthy dinners.
Currently Reading: The Art of Hearing Heartbeats by Jan-Philipp Sendker