Neither here, nor there

Right now, as we *speak,* I’m sitting in my office, with just the light of a lamp and the glowing offices of the buildings across the street from mine in downtown Seattle. The office is void of people (which, actually, doesn’t happen quite that often in a tech startup. Usually there are developers working way past the time I leave). It’s eerie quiet. Here I am, all by my lonesome, eating a peanut chicken Lean Cuisine in front of my computer, at my desk, at 7 o’clock at night.

Ooh buddy, does that ever sound sexy.

I have to tell you, in the split second I realized all of this – I instantly felt compelled to write about it. (Maybe my three-month writer’s block/lack of time to write is starting to wan). See, I had one of those, “OH.MY.GOD.THIS.IS.MY.LIFE.” moments.

I know you’ve had them.

Like, what if this is just the beginning of me turning into the 45-year-old, lonely workaholic who can’t find a husband and doesn’t have children, even though she wants them, because she works too much and has always put success before love?! I saw myself as Scrooge, flying through the night in my pajamas (hopefully I put on underwear this time), having the Ghost of Christmas past hovering over my desk, looking down and saying, “See Je. This is the moment where you decided you’d rather just stay and work late, eating at your desk, so you could get more checked off your list. And then it was all downhill from there.”

Enter image of cats circling your body and licking your face after you choked on a chicken bone by yourself in your fancy condo (at least that’s a plus), with no one around to save you.

Recently, I made a pretty big life change that I have yet to talk about here, nor will I probably say much. But I am single again, deciding first and foremost that I wanted to concentrate on myself and my career, among a few other personal reasons. That I didn’t have time for someone else anymore. That I’ve been doing too many things at 75% and not a smaller list of items at 100%. For me, the easier decision at the moment has been to move forward without one of those time-consuming items – a relationship.

I find myself with more time to work late without feeling guilty or giving excuses, or missing out on plans, or stressing because I’d rather just feel better about my workload by, well, working.

I’m not saying that all of this, at 28, will lead me to a life of loneliness. I am, for the most part, exaggerating since any other night but tonight I’d be at a wine event, or happy hour, or out with friends, or at a networking event. But being alone, at an age I would consider too late in life, is a scary thought. I feel like my worlds are splitting into two sets of people the closer I edge toward 30. There are those who cannot wait to get married, settle down and start a family. I have friends who are actually planning on the days, months, year they want to get pregnant. That’s SO exciting for them. I don’t know what it’s like to share a life with someone, to the extent of planning children, but I bet it’s such an amazing time in life, and I’m thrilled to share their happiness with them. Please believe me when I say I’m not here to judge that choice, nor to say I’m making a better decision in life. Or that you can’t have career success while in a marriage.

It’s just not where I’m at. I can’t exactly say that I’ve never been the girl who dreamed about babies or marriage, or what my wedding colors were going to be. Perhaps I was… but now, I’m too far away to remember what used to be important. I only remember what is important now. And it’s not Princess cuts, suburbs, or hitting some life moment I told myself at 13 I’d do before I was 30. Unfortunately, it creates a bit of divide sometimes with old friends – those who are ready to settle down into a certain lifestyle, and those who aren’t. I supposed we’ll start to have less and less in common until I decide that’s what I want too. Or it catches me by surprise (which what I hear happens). In the meantime, I’m neither here (at the gates of complete career success) or there (ready to get married).

So, I guess it’s a few more peanut chicken Lean Cuisines at my desk, by myself, at 7 o’clock at night.

I’ll just make sure it’s *boneless* chicken.

Currently Feeling: Ready for that Chardonnay at home in my fridge.
Currently Anticipating: A birthday party tomorrow after Seattle Startup Drinks, and a big ole “gold and silver” house party on Saturday after a sushi Tweet Up!
Currently Loving: Planning for SXSW. Looks like I’ll be going to the music festival for work. Zing!

Fill this jar up with your love, baby

Recently I did the super awesome girlfriend freak out where it feels like your life and relationship is over because ________ (fill in blank). For me, it was, “You never plan any dates nights!” Honestly, I don’t know how The BF could possibly get a word in edgewise to plan a date since I’m always saying… “Do you want to go here…do you want to do this…let’s do this on Thursday.” But it suddenly became important to me that he was coming up with romantic, fun ideas just as much as I was. Like duh, read my mind! So, we agreed that we’d switch off every other week or date night – I’d choose a destination or activity, then he would, repeat.

But then I came across the most wonderfully glorious idea ever on one of my favorite local blogs – Seattle Date Night. The author, Mandy, wrote in the post, “A wise couple once gave me a great idea that I had to share…” I immediately fell in love with the idea and had to share it with you too.

Last night, The BF and I made a Date Night Jar. We sat down with little scraps of paper and wrote down things we’d always wanted to do, things we had already done together that we enjoyed, fun things to do around Seattle that we just hadn’t gotten to yet and a few ideas from the article, 50 Great Date Night Ideas.

It was a super fun, bonding moment and was practically a “date” in of itself since we made dinner, opened champagne and sat down to write out all our dates. (We came up with a lot!) And the best part about it is that we both get to put things in the jar that we really love to do, but the other might not so much. For instance, the BF put Go to a rock climbing gym because he loves to rock climb. Even though it scares the bejesus out of me, I’ve never done it, so I thought it was a great idea.

We have so many fun ideas in there, it makes me anticipate date night that much more because I can’t wait to see what we pull next out of our little jar of love.

(And now I’ll let you leave to go puke up your lunch).

Currently Feeling: A bit anxious to see how this 5K goes on Sunday since I’ve been pretty dang busy this last week and have slacked on my training.
Currently Anticipating: Photography class tomorrow, a lunch at Purple on Thursday and Fremont Oktoberfest on Friday!
Currently Reading: I Was Told There’d Be Cake by Sloane Crosley.

Spam (the edible kind), charity and mini celebrations

It’s been a little quiet here for the last week – September has been a busy, busy month. So much for slowing down after summer… I have a fall that’s looking like it might be just, if not twice, as busy as summer. I can only imagine how exhausting it is for the BF to date me. Poor guy thought he was going to catch his breath after our summer of a million camp trips and plans.

But, I digress.

After tomorrow, I will have attended four networking/industry related events in five days. I’m signing up for everything to network my little butt off. If you don’t network professionally (in person), I’m telling you – GO. Do it now. You’ll reap huge benefits from it. In fact, every time you go to a networking event, an angel gets it’s wings, clouds turn into marshmallows, and rainbows, kitties and unicorns rain down on you from the sky. True story.

Thursday I went to a fun scavenger hunt/networking event around Seattle, put on by a local, fancy hotel, a theatre and a mobile food truck where I tried SPAM for the first time. That’s right, I said SPAM. I’m slightly embarrassed that it was actually super good, and I went back for seconds on my Spam slider. I guess I won’t be able to tease the Bestie anymore when she goes to pick up Spam for her dad’s Christmas stocking. Who would have known ham in a can would be so tasty? I guess that’s just a testament to my love for all things pig. I know what I’m getting my dad for Christmas!

Friday I went to a charity meet-up put on by Q-13 Fox for the Washington Burn Foundation, and why yes, the firefighter calendar models were there. I try to rarely miss events where male calendar models are in attendance charity is involved.

And finally, Saturday night was the accumulation of an event I helped plan for the last couple months – Twestival Seattle – a “social media for the social good” event put on through Twitter to raise money for a local charity. We chose YouthCare, a Seattle nonprofit that supports homeless youth, and we raised more than $6,000 for them. How exciting is that! Twestivals are happening in cities all across the globe this month, so if you can, find out when and where one is in your city and go support your local cause!

I’m also in full swing with my digital photography class that started two weeks ago. It is SO awesome. Words cannot describe how excited I am to get to know my Nikon P90 (on loan from the Nikon COOLPIX Circle) a little bit better and learn about all sorts of things like lighting and composition. AND I’m doing an awesome job slacking on my training for the first 5K I have schedule to run NEXT WEEKEND. Yikes!

Anyway, it feels pretty great to be creative, focused on knocking off some of my goals for 2009 and involved in such awesome events around my community. Lately I’ve CHOSEN my time, my path and where to spend my energy, and I’ve become happier than I’ve been in a long time.

In other news – remember that bottle of wine I was saving since last Memorial Day when the BF and I picked it up on our first camping trip of the summer? We were able to pop that open in celebration this past week. After six months of LOTS of hard work, the BF finished the guest bathroom that he had gutted, re-tiled, painted, installed fixtures in, etc. It was something he had to finish before he could get a roommate, and it was hard for him to find time between working, The Mini and the million plans I always had for us on the calendar. It strained our relationship at times – the lack of time spent together, the stress, the length of time it took to finish. And now he has a roommate in, so the first thing we did was crack the bottle and salute to all the hard work being over!

I don’t know if it was because we’d been saving it for four plus months, or because it was actually an expensive, quality bottle of wine over $10 – but it was the tastiest wine I’ve had in a long time, and turned out to be the best way for us to celebrate.

Huh, maybe there’s something to this whole “late 20-something” stuff, after all.

Currently Feeling: Happy to have a family dinner with my sister tonight while she’s home from college. Barbecue ribs… mmm.
Currently Anticipating: This week! More super exciting stuff going on in Je-ville!
Currently Loving: All the great fall TV that has started – Project Runway, Top Chef, America’s Next Top Model – I’m in TV heaven!

On decorating in pink…

As most of you know, I’m in a LTR. If you’re like me, and you had no idea what that little acronym meant until about a year ago, I’ll let you in on the little secret – it’s Long Term Relationship. (Woowee. How exciting!) I’ve been in my LTR for nearly two years now. EEEKK. Really, that just scares the bejesus out of me. Am I the only one who feels like their life is flying by at warped speed? Before I know it, I’ll be writing some sappy, long post about turning 30. (Puke in my cereal. What? Why yes, it’s past noon, and I’m eating cereal. Don’t judge).

In a LTR relationship at 27, most people have already moved in together or are talking about it in the very near future as their “next step.” Not me and Baby Daddy though; no sirree. We’re on a slow path (or something). There are a few personal reasons why moving in together isn’t in our very near future, but I’ll tell you my favorite part of holding out on living with a boyfriend (besides that I get to sneak away from him whenever I want and do super single behavior in the comfort of my own home like watching trashy reality TV and perusing the Internet while reading US Weekly on commercial breaks and painting my toenails. What can I say; I’m an excellent multi-tasker). One of the very tip top reasons is that I still get to decorate in PINK. Hot pink to be exact.

See, when you move in with someone, you have to give up girly decorating and be all adult or something. Think about all the couples you know who live together – I bet their bedroom or living room is light blue and brown. What is it about that combo that is so conventional couples bedroom? I mean it’s a lovely pairing; I’m not knocking it – I just don’t want to give up decorating in PINK and butterflies just yet. My room is so girly it’s almost comical to see my boyfriend sleeping on my pink sheets.

How much do you love that wall cling that I posted about buying a month ago?

To me, there’s nothing more pretty and lovely, and the best to wake up to, than hot pink and butterflies… perhaps with a hint of orange, yellow and turquoise. What can I say, I love to live a life on COLOR like my girl Lily.

Yes, this is the Ikea mirror that everyone and their mother has – the butterflies are a hanging glitter butterfly garland, that I found at one of my favorite stores in Seattle, Fireworks Gallery

Atop my desk sits a crepe flower I bought at a Fremont Sunday Market,
and the framed print I bought, handmade from Etsy of course!

Some of these handmade, handpicked items are so special to me – what am I supposed to do? Just toss them aside, gift them, give them away at a garage sale? It will be a sad day when I have to let go of my hot pink crepe flower (that is literally nearly three feet tall) or my strand of glitter butterfly garland. I mean, no girly room is complete without it. And even worse than getting rid of these will be hiding all my fashionista crap that I’ve accumulated through the years. When you live with a boy, is it appropriate to…

Display your 100+ hanging earrings & necklaces on the wall as if
they were art? (Psst. I bought this handmade jewelry holder at an art fair for $25).

Or your scarves, hats and 20+ purses of the moment (20+ more in a plastic storage
bin under the bed)? (Psst. That little hot pink phrase wall cling came as an
EXTRA bonus with my “Keep Calm and Carry On.” Don’t cha love it?!)

Or have a ridiculously large storage bin of make-up
(lip gloss drawer shown here) on a table for ease of use?

No. It’s not. And I tell yah what, I love my boyfriend, but currently I love my hot pink and butterfly Princess girly fashionista bedroom just a little bit more. Me, brown and light blue might be friends someday, but for now I’m going to enjoy every dang minute of waking up in my hot pink sheets, sometimes alone if I want to be.

What are you going to be reluctant to give up when you move
in with a boy? And if you already live with your boyfriend or
husband, what do you miss the most about not cohabiting?

Currently Feeling: In love with Rilo Kiley, Pandora, my time, the sun again in Seattle and life in general.
Currently Anticipating: Getting through this busy week – I feel like I’m even more busy unemployed than I was when I worked every day!
Currently Loving: Lucerne rootbeer float ice cream bars – only 100 calories!

Happy Birthday to The Mini!

My boyfriend has a little boy, The Mini, who turned 6 today.

I don’t blog much about The Mini, or dating a boyfriend with a child, because it’s a pretty personal decision of mine that I find more people are quick to judge than to understand. But, I guess there eventually comes a time and place for everything…

When I first met my BF, the fact he was a father definitely scared the bejesus out of me. I ignored his text messages, told him I just wanted to be friends and wrote a very embarrassing, judgmental post for all the world to read (including his mom and mother of his child) on a dating blog I wrote back then for one of Seattle’s newspapers. Oh how I wish I could take that moment back.

But, I was 25 and a super single (four years to be exact), party animal, socialite extroidonaire. My evenings were my evenings. My mornings were my mornings. I didn’t have to answer to anyone or stay in or reject invitations. Marriage and babies were even further off my mind than they are now. It wasn’t the concept of a child that scared me because I actually happen to love children (if they’re cute and well-behaved. Ha!), but it was more the concept of having a child in my life all.the.time that scared me. I didn’t want to be a mother. Or a stepmother. Or tell my parents and friends that I was dating someone with a child… the whole situation was just not appealing. Better to run quickly away, I thought.

The truth is, I was an On-Paper Snob. I wanted to rattle off all the really amazing attributes and great things of my AMAZING new boyfriend, to everyone who asked. And I didn’t want a child to be part of that list. I cared too much about what other people thought.

But my boyfriend eventually snagged me, dammit. He was cute and thoughtful with a great big heart, and there was a connection and chemistry that you just can’t ignore. I had a bit of a revolving date door over the previous four years, and hadn’t met many men who I’d had that connection with. Or many men who had pursued ME. Who thought I was the cat’s meow. It was tough to ignore… but I was still a little freaked out. I rarely spent the night at his house on the weekends when we first started dating; I did my own thing nearly every night The Mini was around. My boyfriend was always very understanding about my need for space and time – he still is – and he didn’t push anything on me.

I can’t quite put my finger on the timing, but I eventually said to myself, “Here is a man you care about, and if he has something in his life that is his EVERYTHING (aside from you), you need to get to know this Everything.”

His Everything, of course, was his Mini.

So I eventually started planning stuff for the three of us to do together… I took it day by day. I slowly let myself get to know him a little better. Eventually, I stuck around a bit more. Eventually, it felt less awkward.

And since, it’s shocking, even to me, how much my life this last year or so has been enriched by this little 5-year-old who has a little bit of a lisp and won’t eat anything but pineapple pizza, Eggo’s with butter and tortillas. Who loves pirates, sharks and cars – and Swedish fish and marshmallows. (Kid after my own heart). Who calls me “Jenna” instead of “Jeanna,” making him the only human who has ever made a mispronunciation of my name sound so damn endearing. Who asks where I am all the time, but then acts shy or standoffish sometimes when I’m around. Who likes to “Surprise!” jump on me on the couch, sometimes bruising my ribs, and sleep in his own tent when we camp. Who has eyes and eyelashes that will now and forever make all the girls, including me, swoon. Who has a little personality that grows every day – too stubborn to be talked into anything, even simple things like changing his shoes or what movie to rent, and to sweet and well-behaved to be a child of 6.

And then, there’s the whole bit about listening to your boyfriend read Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs, then sing a little bedtime song. It’s pretty damn cute, not gonna lie.

Sometimes, it’s frustrating and feels like the world isn’t fair. Sometimes there’s drama about his ex, sometimes I feel overwhelmed, but for the most part… it’s good.

I’m not The Mini’s mother. And I might never be even a stepmother. But he IS part of my life, and I am part of his. And for that, right now, I feel lucky.

Happy Birthday Mini!

Currently Feeling: Uber groggy! I need to get up earlier than 10 a.m.
Currently Anticipating: Hitting the road for a weekend away with my besties from high school, their boyfriends, and mine!
Currently Loving: That I won two tickets to a wine event next weekend!

Launched: New little blog project

So, I’ve mentioned earlier this week that I’m launching a new blog project with the BF. It was something that came about this past weekend – a suggestion from him, actually. Surprising since I’m the blogging whore in this relationship, and he’s constantly making fun of my Internet geekiness.

Basically, we’re always camping, going on road trips and trying out new wineries and restaurants. And when we do these types of things, we’re always reviewing and critiquing, comparing, liking, loving or hating the places we go. We thought it’d be fun to start up a review site of the all the places we venture out to. So basically, if you’re one of my readers outside of Washington state, this won’t interest you at all. But if you’re one of my friends, a family member, or someone living in Washington, this might interest you if you’re looking for a place to camp or eat. We’re only going to be updating as we go places, so not that frequently. But in the meantime, I’ve written and backlogged a few of the places we’ve gone over this past year. You can always find what I’ve posted on the site in the sidebar on this blog.

Check it out if you feel so inclined!

Caviar & Campfires

Oh, and happy Friday. It’s 70+ degrees in Seattle, with a forecast of 80 degrees. You bet your butt I’m going to be out partying and sunbathing this weekend – I hope you are too!

Currently Feeling: Happy, happy, happy for a weekend home in the sun. But a little guilty with how much I feel I didn’t get done this week.
Currently Anticipating: Girls night out on the town tonight, and floating and jet skiing tomorrow.
Currently Reading: The Year of Living Biblically by A. J. Jacobs.

Sushi 101

Sushi class last night was fracking amazing.

I arrived, hung over and exhausted from a sleepless week that I couldn’t seem to catch up from. A three hour cooking class, immediately after work, felt like someone was asking me to climb the Himalayas while stoned, with only one leg and a blind mountain guide. Basically – how am I EVER going to make it through this?!

But, it wasn’t long before the energy in the class ZINGED me wide awake. I found myself joking around with the other people in the class, laughing a lot (my favorite), smooching my boyfriend when I could sneak it in and rollin’ some of the best damn beginning sushi rolls I’ve ever seen, if I do say so myself.

The best part about our class was that it was also a sake-tasting class, so we had about 20 bottles and five different types of free-flowing sake. That stuff isn’t as bad as I remember it being after playing drinking checkers with sake bombs for Mardi Gras in 2002. (THAT was a bad night). The instructor also bumped music while we all hustled and bustled around the kitchen. Tunes from Led Zeppelin, Fiona Apple, Kanye and other randomness kept us moving while we learned how to make basic sushi rolls with some really amazing ingredients – anything we wanted out of Whole Foods, basically. Tuna, shrimp, real crab, fake crab, veggies, cream cheese, yellow tail – even Copper River salmon. We also made a number of other Japanese dishes, including miso-glazed eggplant, gyoza (pot stickers), steamed clams with sake, udon noodle soup, Agadashi tofu and a green tea shortbread cake. Then afterward there was A GREAT BIG FEAST, obvs. It was so fun.

I learned some very key tips about making sushi – like how to make the perfect sushi rice (did you know you have to add a mixture of water, rice vinegar, sugar, sake and salt to the rice??); that inside-out rolls (rice on the outside) require you to use saran wrap on your rolling mat and sesame seeds so the rice doesn’t stick; that you MUST wet your fingers down before touching the rice cause that shiz is sticky; and how to perfectly cut the ingredients.

Here are some pics:

[BTW - Did I mention this is the FIRST thing to officially cross off my Bucket List? (!!!)

Currently Feeling: SO freakin excited to pick up my new bike from REI today.
Currently Anticipating: A weekend away at Osoyoos Lake. We decided to try something new this Memorial Day – I’m looking forward to wine tasting on our new bikes!
Currently Loving: That I seem to be dropping pounds without trying too hard now? Weight lifting is the best. You burn calories even when you’re not working out!

Breast wishes

Today is my boyfriend’s 30th birthday – a HUGE milestone!

Personally, I believe birthdays are super special because it’s the day you get to celebrate YOU. Not your mom, not Jesus, not a dead Irish saint, not secretaries – YOU – the one person you’ve had around, and always will have around, for the rest of your life. That’s a pretty important person, so I think birthdays are cause for a big celebration.

But, boys tend to be lackadaisical in the party throwing department, especially birthday parties, so I’ve decided to throw a celebration for him because he’s grande. Tomorrow night we’re co-hosting a “Dirty 30” birthday part at a dirty dive bar in Seattle. Because I am a theme party WHORE, I tried to squeeze in a little bit of the dirty theme… Last night I went to a fabulous store in Seattle called Archie McPhee’s – a novelty item store with kitschy gifts and trinkets – and picked up some fake mustaches for everyone to wear (dirty ‘staches). They even had a set of PINK fuzzy mustaches for girls. How perrrfect. If I am going to sport a ‘stache, it had better be pink.

And then there was the cake. I wanted to pick up a “dirty” cake from The Erotic Bakery – a shop that creates cakes and cookies in the shape of man and lady bits. I was going to post a few of the options here and take a vote on what to order, but when I called last night, I was too late for a rush order and they were $50 a cake anyway. Boo purdue. But then I realized, that’s really okay because they put vaginas on their cakes, and who knows what that would taste like anyway.

So I scrambled for plan B.

I started calling the party stores within my general area and asking, “Um. Do you have boob cookie cutters?” Not gonna lie; it was kinda awkward. But after calling a few places, even Lover’s Package, there were no boob cookie cutters to be had!

Time for plan c.

I started Googling, “How to make boob cookies.” No luck. Then, “How to make a boob cake,” brought up this result, and I was like, “Hey! I can do that!” So I was up until 12:30 a.m. last night, making boob-shaped cake pieces and flesh-colored frosting for Baby Daddy’s birthday cake. I’m SUPER excited to bust it out at the party… get it, bust it out. Haha. I think boobs and mustaches are a great pair. Well, unless you’re a lady with a mustache, then that’s just gross. Or, if your boobs are being tickled by some guy’s mustache, that’s gross too… uh boob cakes and fake mustaches are a great pair. Here’s how I did it:

First came the flesh-colored cream cheese frosting – a couple drops of green, red and yellow food coloring.

To make the boobs, you bake cake batter in two round mixing bowls and the base cake in a 9×13″ pan.

I saved some of the frosting and added a little more red and some blue food coloring
for the nipple area, which was made with a Peach-O ring with a Dot stuck in the middle.

I frosted the cake, then placed the breastesses on top, frosting each, and then finally the nipples.

TA DA!

Currently Feeling: Fancy in leopard print, a pink silk bow and my hair straightened for the birthday dinner tonight!
Currently Anticipating: All the surprises I have up my sleeve. I love surprises! And giving gifts!
Currently Loving: Mrs. Meyer’s Lemon Verbena Laundry Detergent. I picked it up on a whim last week, and while it’s a bit spendy for detergent, it’s SUPER fab and worth it! It makes my whole house smell great every time I do laundry!

The few, the strong, the braaaave

[If you haven’t already, please enter my blog giveaway for five copies of Thanks for Coming: One Young Woman’s Quest for an Orgasm. Contest closes Friday.]

When I first met my boyfriend, a little over a year and a half ago, he was a commercial fisherman in Dutch Harbor, Alaska. Yes, like Deadliest Catch. It’s a running joke between us because every time it has casually come up in a group conversation, someone will go, “OHMYGOD. Like the DEADLIEST CATCH. That is SO SCARY/cool/dangerous/insert adjective here!” which I usually laughed at and rolled my eyes while he answered all their questions. I had never seen the Deadliest Catch and could never really commiserate with them, even though it was my boyfriend they were talking about, and I probably should have been able to say something like, “Oh my God, I KNOW. He’s so strong, brave and amazing.”

When I met him, I knew that commercial fisherman made a lot of money, but I could only focus on how it meant he was gone six months out of the year doing what some will deem the “most dangerous profession.” He left two months after we met each other, and we decided to do the long distance thing even though we were barely official. But, this wasn’t just any long-distance relationship; this was three months with only a two minute, choppy phone call once a week via satellite phone. One time, he didn’t get to call me for two weeks solid and I was sure he had died – swallowed up by the waves of the Bering Sea.

To say it sucked is an understatement. Luckily, he had made the decision to quit before I met him, so the three-month trip we endured was his last. And since, it’s been really hard for him to let go of. It was a profession that he and others respected, and one he was good at. It was a lifestyle and a community he became a part of for five years of his life. It made him feel accomplished and manly and proud. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I think a small part of him died when he decided it was something he couldn’t do anymore for other personal reasons, even though his decision brought me a huge sense of relief. I couldn’t imagine myself the other half of someone who was only home six months a year. I imagined myself a lonely and widowed wife of a fisherman. Uh, no thanks. So while he’s longed for it sometimes, I’ve told him he needed to move on. Oftentimes not so nicely. I recognized the way he felt about fishing, but I didn’t really understand it.

This last year or so of our relationship has occasionally been peppered with reminders of his past boat life – he’ll point out ships in the Seattle harbor that were fishing boats he delivered catches to; he’ll make a reference to “boat lore” or superstitions they used to follow; I’ll tease him about a particularly worn-out and stained pair of socks or underwear, and he’ll say, “They’re boat socks! I need to do laundry;” or I’ll often poke fun at him when he wears his sweatshirt around the house that says, “Bering Sea Fisherman: The few, the strong, the brave.”

“The FEW. The STRONG. The BRAAAAVE,” I’ll say in a deep, dramatic breathy voice, and make a face like this:

(I’m such a jerk).

“Shut up,” he’ll throw back.

Being a fisherman is a part of him. It makes up the DNA of his past, whether or not I understand it or ever will. So although I might have inwardly groaned last night when he asked if we could watch the season opener of Deadliest Catch, I agreed. I guess I decided to unravel one more strand of that DNA.

And I’m really glad I did.

For maybe one of the first times ever in our relationship, I felt totally engrossed in something HE was teaching ME. A part of him that I knew nothing about. I asked him hurried questions – I couldn’t get them out fast enough.

“What’s a skipper??? I mean, besides Barbie’s little sister…, ha ha” (I like to laugh at my own jokes frequently).

“A captain. The captain of the boat,” he answered.

“Why do they have zinc on the bottom of the boat? Do all boats have that?!”

“Yes. The salt from the salt water attacks the zinc instead of the boat so it doesn’t erode.”

I watched as they baited the crab pots, dropped them, and pulled them up, searching for Dungeness crab. And he patiently explained every detail I wanted to know. As I watched the show, totally engrossed, I kept glancing at him and I could see the excitement in his eyes. The knowledge. The longing. The manliness. Rawr. I finally understood the magnitude of this profession. The magnitude of what it meant to him. It was almost, for an overly dramatic effect, like watching a caged animal in their natural habitat. I don’t know that I’d seen him quite like this before.

Anyway, it a special moment for me. In day to day life, there are very few moments when we are in total awe of our significant other. So when it happens, I feel it should be grasped onto and remembered, so the next time someone says, “OHMYGOD. Like the DEADLIEST CATCH. That is SO SCARY/cool/dangerous/insert adjective here,” I won’t roll my eyes. I’ll say,

“I know.”

Currently Feeling: Like I have the worst back pain in the world. I can barely sit at my desk or breathe. What the hell?
Currently Anticipating: Viewing this apartment tonight that I think is PERFECT. I’m so anxious that someone else is going to snag it!
Currently Needing: Drugs. Lots of drugs. And some Bestie Amanda time.

This is why I love him

Keeping in tune with the title of my blog…

Last night the BF and I were finishing off our very, very expensive jug of pinot grigio (expensive wine is the only way we roll, yo!). Also, in case you were wondering, very expensive wines only come in jugs. Or boxes. Do it.

Anyway, I couldn’t get the effin cork to fit into the bottle.

I got all worked up, made a commotion and screeched, “It’s too tight of a fit!”

“That’s what she said,” he fired back.

After which I snorted, rolled around on the couch and high-fived him and all his geniousness.

God that joke never gets old.

Currently Feeling: Pretty guilty for all the slacking I’ve done this week.
Currently Anticipating: Burton sample sale tonight to score some new luggage for the trip and an 8 o’clock showing of “Monsters vs. Aliens,” out on the town tomorrow and haircut Saturday!
Currently Needing: Plant killer. Lots of it.