Deodorant Popcorn Snacks

Here’s an embarrassing little TMI fact for you – I have a weird obsession with men’s deodorant. Like I love, love, love the smell of it. I love to hug my boyfriend and kind of nuzzle my nose a little bit in the general armpit direction (or yah know, poke my nose directly in it) because his deodorant just smells so.damn.good. Why don’t they make women’s deodorant fragrances an extension of our perfumes? We only get sickening smells like “Powder Fresh” and “Springtime Floral Escape.” All reminiscent of the same smells you probably find on Summer’s Eve package, if yah know what I mean. Gross. Anyway, I’ll be the first to admit that my obsession with men’s deodorant is totally weird, but it always seems to get a laugh out of my BF, so I don’t think he minds too much.

But, recently I figured something out about myself – while I love the SMELL of men’s deodorant, I don’t love to EAT men’s deodorant. I bet you’re dying to know how I found this one out…

A couple days ago, my boyfriend and I were watching some realty TV show together on the couch (he doesn’t seem to mind my obsession with realty TV, which I love him for), and I was eating one of my new favorite TV snacks – 100-calorie packs of Smartfood White Cheddar Cheese Popcorn. Picture this: I’m leaning against him; he has his arm up on my knee; I’m mowing down on my white cheddar popcorn, but I keep dropping pieces and kernels that fall down on the couch; I continue to pick them up and swear to myself about how messy I’m being; I finish my popcorn bag and get up to throw it away; I come back to the couch and see there’s a little kernel left on the seat; I grab the kernel and put it into my mouth and start gagging – it is NOT popcorn.

Somewhere between me throwing away the bag in the kitchen and coming back, a little ball of my boyfriend’s deodorant fell on the couch, right where my white popcorn kernels previously were, and I ate it. That’s right. I ate a deodorant ball that had been heating up in his armpit. Is that seriously not the grossest thing you’ve ever heard? Or at least close.

Let me tell you, men’s deodorant, or any deodorant for that matter I’m sure, does.not.taste.good. It’s kinda like hot, chalky soap. That sticks to the inside of your mouth. Kinda like you just had your mouth washed out after saying naughty things.

I think I just inadvertently cured my obsession with his armpits.

Currently Feeling: Excited to check out Jimmy Johns’ sandwiches at lunch today with my coworkers.
Currently Anticipating: Bellingham tonight to stay with my old friend from college, and then Victoria, B.C. for a bachelorette party!
Currently Loving: Rilo Kiley on my fav Pandora station.

The Tale of Two Non-Virgins Who Can’t Perform at the Pool

Last night I took a trip to the public pool. Or la piscine (piss-seen), as one would say in French, which I think is much more fitting than “swimming pool.” After all, a public pool is probably very a la piscine from all the kids. Cause really, as a kid, we all know we were warned and reprimanded 100x about peeing in the pool, but we did it anyway, holding our breath to see if the water really would change another color from the “special chemical.” And it didn’t. This therefore just warranted a cycle of peeing in the pool very discreetly instead of getting out of the water, freezing cold, for a trip to the bathroom. (I might or might not have just admitted that I used to pee in the pool).

This is what I think about now that I’m an adult and swim in common areas with children, such as lakes, docks and pools.

But, it still didn’t stop me from brushing those thoughts aside for a Monday-night trip to the pool and community center in my neighborhood. A little pee never hurt anyone! (Gross. I can’t believe I just typed that).

Baby Daddy and I threw the good ole suits on and paid our $4 fee, entering our respective locker rooms. I haven’t been to a community pool since I believe I was in 5th grade. As a child who took swim lessons and attended a number of pool dates with the neighbor kids, it was all very familiar to me – the lockers with keys that you pin to your suit, inevitably leaving a hole in your swimsuit; the cold cement floors with clumps of other people’s hair; the freezing cold shower you’re supposed to take before jumping in the pool; the sting as the smell of chlorine hits your nostrils; the scratchy pool lining that snags the bottom of your suit; the echo of little kids shouting and run-walking down the sides of the pool to the diving board; and the dum, dum thump of the diving board as one swimmer jumps off before the next one walks to the end.

I was hoping for a hot tub, but no such luck. There was a sauna that we spent 15 minutes in before I felt like my face was going to melt off while I simultaneously hyperventilated. (Am I the only one who things these are bearable, at best, and totally uncomfortable to sit in with other people?) So then we jumped into the pool for a bit, and I grabbed a noodle to float on. I figured I’d do a little kicking, doggy paddling and seeing how long I could stand on my hands under water, and count it as my work out for the day. Except just as we got in, a very official pool man started putting up signs that dictated speeds and others began rolling out the plastic floating lines. Dammit – lap swim.

Baby Daddy and I got out and sat on the bleachers and watched the swimmers crowd their chosen lanes.

Me: Well, crap. Do you want to do lap swim?
Him: I don’t care. Whatever you want; I’d be just okay with leaving.
Me: But, we’ve only been here for 20 minutes. I’d be a little embarrassed to walk out passed the lady we paid $4 to at the front desk. We could just get in a kick around a little bit.
Him: Yeah.
Me: I mean, look at that dude, he’s got a kickboard. We couldn’t look any stupider than that.
Him: I wouldn’t use a kickboard. No way. Look at that guy, he’d probably go somewhere a lot quicker if he weren’t slapping the water with every stroke.
Me: He’s old. Cut ‘em some slack. Besides, we don’t know that we’d look too much better. That’s the problem – I have no idea what I look like when I swim.
Him: Me either.
Me: Everyone’s got a cap on. I don’t want to wear a cap.
Him: And goggles.
Me: Crap. We’re total public-pool amateurs.
Him: Yeah. And now it’s probably too late to get in. We’ve sat here too long, staring at everyone.
Me: I can’t believe we just paid $4 to sit in a sauna for 15 minutes and watch people swim for 20.
Him: I’d be down if it weren’t lap swim – there’s too much pressure to perform.
Me: Yeah, we’re pool shy.*

Ba boom, CCHHHINGG.**

*I was referring to definition #2.
** That’s supposed to be my drum and symbol sound they always make after jokes.

Currently Feeling: In need of some serious workouts this week – the last three-week push until Mexico!
Currently Anticipating: Home sweet home. This daylight savings time transition is rough.
Currently Loving: Chocolate protein shakes with milk, NOT water.

Keeping up with lovin’ in the late 21st Century

They say us Americans are crazy busy people who don’t know how to slow down and “enjoy the good life.” We all work too much, eat too much and watch too much TV – too much, too much, too much.

I try to curb the overeating, I occasionally overwork and my TV-watching is limited to what I deem worthy of not catching later on DVR when I have the time. But, one of the big overflowing, excessive cups in my life is my calendar. I love, love, love being a social butterfly. I love planning dinners to catch up with old roommates, old coworkers, friends and family. I love happy hours to gossip. I love TV and wine nights with my girls. I love walking Greenlake and rollerblading in the spring and summer with whomever will join me. I love events – like Seattle’s 20-Something Wine event or all Seattle festivals (Folk Life, Bite of Seattle, and of course, Summer Solstice Festival – my FAVORITE). I love day trips, ferry boats, camping. I love to throw parties at my house – Wine tasting, Sex toys and Pumpkin carving. I’m sure you get the point – I love, love, love, love to DO.

When I was little, I would visit my dad during school vacations. Just sitting around at his house and doing nothing would drive.me.crazy. “Can we go see a movie, Dad? Can we go fishing, Dad? Can I go to Aunt Carol’s, Dad?” I’d beg and plead. “Can’t you ever just relax and SIT STILL?” I remember he said to me once.

No, I can’t. I can’t sit still. I don’t have adult ADHD, but I just feel that you get more out of life when you’re living it to the fullest. And my idea of living to the fullest is doing everything I can to have fun, and making the most out of my personal relationships.

I exhausted my dad. And I know I exhaust my boyfriend too.

With all the hustle and bustle of life in general – working, exercising, traveling and keeping up with extensive social calendars, how do you balance a relationship in there too without giving up any of the stuff you liked to do while single? Let me tell you, if there was one thing I wasn’t going to do when I first met my boyfriend was let my personal relationships suffer just because I was in a new relationship. But keeping my boyfriend happy, and making myself and my friends happy, sometimes proves challenging.

So recently, Baby Daddy and I enlisted the help of Google. We started updating our Google calendars, “shared” it with each other, and it works like a charm. We can both update via our phones or computers and it shows up in the side panel in our Gmail accounts. I don’t forget to tell him things; he doesn’t feel like he has no idea how to plan things with me. We keep track of each other, and we’re both happy peas.

And now, thanks to Google, we can still “see” each other even when we’re not spending the night together with the little help of Google’s recently added video chat feature, which we discovered last night. (No, this isn’t an infoblog for Google, I just enjoy any product that makes my life a bit easier).

I got home from work late last night and opened my email to see if I had anything from my “Currently In: Montana” boyfriend. Sure enough; there sat an email. I opened it and read: “You should download the Gmail chat web cam thing so we can get naked over the Internet.”

Naked we did not get, but we did chat with each other via our nerdy Web cams. (I’m not sure that I’m ready for naked webcamming just yet). Perhaps I’m a little behind the times on this one – but video chatting was totally strange yet totally awesome. At first, all I could do was laugh. It was WEIRD. I could physically see him sitting in his hotel room and hear him talking. And even weirder because I could also see what I looked like. It was like staring in the mirror at yourself while talking to someone face-to-face. Super bizarre. I feel like it might have been the most awkward conversation we’d ever had with each other. But after I got the hang of things, it was totally awesome. Beats telephone conversations any day – and now I can’t wait to go home tonight and “see” my boyfriend tonight after happy hour with a friend.

It’s nice to feel like we can continue to maintain a balanced relationship between friends, work and each other with a little planning and a little webcamming – I’ll just have to figure out how to defer his suggestions to do naked webcamming. If I know anything about the male mind, this will be a hard one to avoid too long…

Currently Feeling: Like I’ll probably get coerced into happy hour tonight instead of heading to the gym – oh wait. I already did.
Currently Anticipating: Next Friday’s triple whammy – payday, my tax return check and my 2008 bonus! Cha ching!
Currently Thinking: I’ll start a fun reoccurring series here. Stay tuned for Bacon Saturdays! (I’m not joking)

A rare weekend devoid of hangovers

I had quite a lovely couple of days this past weekend. Although I could have done with about 24 more hours per usual, the 48 hours I did have turned out just perfect – with just the right balance of partying, relaxing, friends, boyfriend and staying healthy and active.

Friday I met up with a good college friend at one of my (latest) favorite happy hours – Ascada Bistro. If you’re from Seattle, you should check it out. I think the little place gets lost in the shadow of Peso’s since they always seem to be dead, but they have really great food starting out at $2.99 (including stuffed mushrooms that are to.die.for!), $5 martinis and other drink specials. Plus the atmosphere is there is pretty darn good and allows for easy conversation flow without shouting over music or others. In fact, I like it so much that I’ve been there three times in the last two weeks. Whoops.

Afterward, I headed to TheatreSports in Post Alley for a double date with Bestie Amanda and her new boytoy (I’m unsure if it’s safe to call him a boyfriend yet). The last time I went to TheatreSports was high school, and I’ve been wanting to go back ever since. It’s a live comedy improve competition between two teams – sort of like “Who’s Line is It Anways?” We weren’t allowed to drink in the theater during the show, so my buzz was kinda killed, which effectively made me super tired. BUT, the show was hilarious, and to me there’s nothing quite like a good laugh.

There’s also nothing quite like waking up on Saturday morning without a hang over. I don’t do it often… This past Saturday I bounded out of bed to sunshine filling my entire apartment. My energy is through the roof when it’s sunny (hence why I want to move to Cali). I opened the windows and cooked breakfast while my mind reeled over all the sunny Saturday possibilities. After RUNNING outside in the sunshine (I know. Big shocker. This is the first jog I’ve taken outside in more than a year), I planned a day trip to Vashon Island with my BF and his mini.

The Mini is in love with everything that has to do with boats, sharks, fish, etc, so I figured a ferry boat to an island with beaches and a lighthouse would tickle his fancy. I was right, which felt SO good since I still feel pretty new to this “wooing a 5-year-old” stuff. After the short ride to the island, we stopped at The Vashon Island Coffee Roasterie – an awesome little general store type organic coffee shop that had no less than 100 loose teas to choose from in gigantic jars. (Heaven for me since I’ve been on an anti-coffee, pro-tea kick for the last couple months). We then drove to Point Robinson Park where we combed the beach for seashells. The Mini wanted to take home every seashell he found – “LOOK! OH! MY! GOSH!” he’d shout, and show us a half broken clam shell with seaweed attached. Thing are always 100x more exciting through the eyes of a child…it’s a little humbling. After the park, we stopped at a salmon stand and bought fresh salmon for $9 a pound. I’m super excited to make it this week for dinner, so if any of you have a salmon recipe to share, please do so in the comments or email me. We wrapped up our day trip with pizza and pasta at a little restaurant, which was sorta tacky but had a fireplace to warm up with, so I was content. The whole car ride back, the Mini kept saying, “Can we do this again? When do we get to do this again?” so I felt my island Saturday plan deserved an A+.

And then I wrapped up my entire weekend of being active and healthy with eating about 500 pounds of my homemade caramel corn during the Super Bowl party I attended. Diet FAIL. But oh well, the weekend was over all a SUCCEED, so I’ll just let that one slip this time.

Currently Feeling: Like avoiding a situation that should probably be dealt with.
Currently Anticipating: Getting my workout over with so I can tan and make salmon!
Currently Loving: My new, blonder hair from Bestie Amanda’s awesome balayage.

Like cat dander, bee stings and peanuts

Sunday night, watching the Survivor Gabon finale:

Me: Asian facial hair is kinda gross*.
BD: Yeah.
Me: It’s like straight and silky. I wonder what their pubes look like.
BD: *Sideways glance and laugh* I don’t know.
Me: You’ve never slept with an Asian woman?
BD: Um, no…
Me: Really?!
BD: Nope.
Me: Hmm. I was just wondering. You know, some guys have a thing for Asian woman – it’s like, all they like to sleep with or something.
BD: Yeah. This guy I work with has an Asian girlfriend, and I think he kinda has a fetish.
Me: I’ve always thought that was a little weird.

*Silence* *Contemplating Asian woman fetish* *Silence*

BD: I don’t know…I had this girlfriend in junior high…*Pauses*
Me: Yeah…
BD: Well, every time we made out, I got this really bad stomach ache afterward.
Me: What?!
BD: Yeah. It was really weird. I got really sick. Like every. time. It was like I was allergic to her saliva.
Me: Was she Asian?
BD: Yeah.
Me: So, you think you’re allergic to Asian women or something, and you haven’t dated one since?
BD: Yeah…*Sheepish glance in my direction*
Me: BWAHAHHA. YOU think YOU’RE allergic to ASIAN women?!??
Me: You’re so weird.

Alternative title to this post: Here’s Hoping the Coffee Slinging Hooker is Asian

*Disclaimer: I realize a couple people could find this offensive, but just thought I’d throw it out there that I wrote this without any sort of prejudice against Asian people or women.

Currently Feeling: Relieved that my Christmas shopping is done, and I’m not completely broke.
Currently Anticipating: Terriyaki salmon for dinner tonight.
Currently Loving: Iced sweet tea…for every meal…all day long.

I’m gonna lose my boyfriend to a coffee-slinging hooker

I think a lot of times, us coupled types can get comfortable in our relationships and fail to really see our partner through a fresh pair of eyes. After a good amount of time has gone by, you see the other person in sweats and slippers more than than you see them dressed, and it’s easy to forget to compliment quite as much or not pick apart silly stuff.

I’m terrible at this. Lately I’ve been more inclined to crinkle my nose at my boyfriend’s work uniform (I hate it), tell him that he should have probably ironed his shirt, or tease him about his chicken legs. I think I’ve been slacking a little in the compliment department lately. It’s not that I don’t think he’s just as hot as the day I met him. Actually, scratch that. I think he’s MORE hot. It’s just that it kinda not so top-of-mind anymore.

Yesterday a friend posted a group pic from the summertime on his Facebook page that I hadn’t seen yet:

And there was my boyfriend, all smiley and tan in his army shorts (majah weakness for camo), and I was reminded how much I think my boyfriend’s a sexy bitch. Just looking at this pic gets me all hot and bothered. So, I left work yesterday, thinking about how bad I wanted to see him and tear his clothes off, and tell him that’s he’s HOT.

Except someone had already beat me to it. I walked into his kitchen, and there was an empty Starbucks cup on his counter with something along the lines of the following:

Hi Mike! Hope you have a great day out there!
Heart, Theresa
253-xxx-xxxx

@*&$#&!!!! *$##@@$#!!!

I don’t really have a jealous bone in my body, but my feathers are really ruffled about this.

I’m trying to resist the urge to visit all Starbucks within his general work and home radius (which would be really hard, natch, this is Seattle!) and mean-mug all the baristas.

Currently Feeling: Headachy from staring at Web site code all week.
Currently Anticipating: My holiday wine party tomorrow night!!! Should have some good stories and pics.
Currently Needing: To get started on my Christmas shopping.

If he would have said football too, I was outta there

During my date night last Saturday with my BF, I got a little tipsy and started to talk Slumber Party. You know – when you temporarily forget your boyfriend isn’t one of the girls and you ask questions in very high-pitch, screechy voices like, “What would you name a little girl if you had one?” or “What do you want your wedding colors to be?” Anyway, I was babbling about my top four favorite things of all time EVER…

“If I had to pick four things that I couldn’t live without right now – my ALL TIME FAVORITE THINGS – I think they’d be wine and sushi… going out to breakfast… and… potlucks.

“Potlucks?!”

“Yeah! Potlucks! I’ve loved ‘em since the beginning of time. What are YOUR top four ALL TIME FAVORITE THINGS?!

“Hmmm…

A lot of thinking. A lot more thinking. Wait for it…wait for it…

“Beer, wine, sex and food.”

And then he jumped on top of the bar, bent his knees, put one hand in his armpit and one hand on top of his head and started scratching, while shrieking “Oohh Oooh Eee” and running up and down the bar.

BEER.

WINE.

SEX.

FOOD.

Currently Feeling: Excited to give my special homemade gift!
Currently Anticipating: Thai food and Survivor with Amanda tonight.
Currently Listening To: Streaming Christmas music on Pandora.

Turkey weekend highlights, peppered with lots o tryptophan

I took the 4.5-day Thanksgiving break to fall off the Internet wagon, so to speak, totally failing in my intended last push to completion of NaBloPoMo. Bummer dude.

But, a little failure in one category is usually necessary to get ahead in another. The category I focused on this weekend was my SANITY. Corporate America stresses me out, to say the least. So I took a break from everything for nearly five glorious stress-free days. And here they are in brief:

Wednesday: Went on a totally unnecessary payday shopping trip to Nordies where I purchased the most absolutely beautiful grey suede, flat boots that my feet are stuck in. Literally. STUCK. I don’t think I’ll ever get a pair of heels on again.

After my shopping trip, I got all gussied up and met the usual pre-Thanksgiving college party suspects out at The Wild Rover in Kirkland. The night would have gone on without one little drunken debauchery hitch if it weren’t for the fact that Baby Daddy’s ex showed up at the bar. This is the first time I’ve seen her, in person, since we’ve been together. I was reminded why their kid is so damn cute; she’s pretty. Dammit. But then I was reminded why he likes me so much—she’s kinda loco. I’m not so much. Well, unless you put a marshmallow pie in front of me, then I’m totally loco. Bitch watch out! No you didn’t just try to eat my marshmallow pie!

Thursday: Went to go see Four Christmases with my parents. Do you know how long I’ve stared at the word “Christmases,” second-guessing myself on that spelling? Just seems a little loco. Kinda like the ex. Anywho, totally a movie I recommend. So yeah, it’s a romantic comedy, which are always a bit cheesy and predictable, but it’s still pretty funny. Like a modern National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. I dug it. Then I dug my face into my mother’s Thanksgiving feast and passed out on my BF’s couch after watching slews of terrible Christmas movies (Read: Queen Latifah is dying and so she spends her last couple weeks avoiding motorcycle-humping sex with L.L. Cool J. What about this says Merry Christmas; I don’t know.)

Friday: Most people spend Black Friday shopping for inexpensive Christmas presents for friends and family. I spent it shopping for myself. Tis’ the season. My Black Friday booty includes a charging dock/radio/alarm for my iPod, a prize for the winner at my holiday wine party, a new cheese cutting board and knife, 50 space-saving hangers to continue my Closet Make-Over Mission (this won’t fail like the Underwear Overhaul Mission) camel-colored motorcycle boots, a matching camel-colored belt, two new tops to layer with my boots and a pair of earrings that I TOTALLY needed to add to the other 100 pairs I own. Merry Christmas to me.

Saturday: After three days of doing virtually nothing, I was ready to hit the town again. Except everyone was either gone for the weekend or staying in again. So, Baby Daddy and I made it a date night with one of my favorite past times—bar hopping on lower Queen Anne. We started at Solo, my 26th birthday party location, where I ordered a couple of their Mojito Catalans (champagne instead of soda water, so lots o alcohol). We then bumped around to Jabu’s for a couple beers, and wrapped up our night with happy hour at Peso’s. Well, that’s not really how we ended our night, but that’s probably T.M.I. for you.

Sunday: A little breakfast at Noah’s Bagels, some coffee, some book shopping at my favorite local shop, and then home to lounge in PJs all day. I did laundry, watched Along Came Polly, cleaned the bathroom, watched Made of Honor (terribly cheesy), cleaned the kitchen, took a nap, read a book, reorganized my closet and cleaned my room—all in time for The Amazing Race and Desperate Housewives.

See it’s two nights of partying and three days of doing nothing that leads me to actually being productive. Why can’t I have this kind of schedule every week? I’d certainly feel a bit more caught-up and balanced.

Currently Feeling: Like my butt is numb. It’s spreading! I can tell the desk job is making it spread!
Currently Anticipating: Snuggling.
Currently Reading: In the Woods by Tana French.

This is why I call my boyfriend a Fat Kid

The above is what’s currently in his freezer. Have you ever seen a more ridiculously disgusting display of junk food? In case you can’t make it out through the crappy, pixilated camera pic, that’s 1 Costco-size box of Eggos, 1 bag of “chicken fries,” (seriously?!), 1 bag of honey bbq chicken wings, 1 Tony’s pizza, 1 box of bacon wrapped scallops and 1 box of Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwiches. He actually eats this crap. I would give my first born child to have a male metabolism.
–
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

A tisket, a tasket – a flower making, margarita?!

I received flowers at work yesterday – such a nice surprise! Some girls I’ve known have said that receiving flowers at work would be super embarrassing for them. Not me, no sirree. Send me flowers every day, if you feel so inclined.

After work, Baby Daddy explained to me how he ordered the flowers:

“Usually I just call and say, “Red roses.”

“But I saw this pic, and I told the guy, ‘I want the big margarita glass with all the pink in it.’”

Booze and pink – so me.

Currently Feeling: Frustrated that the steps I’m taking to remedy a situation aren’t panning out.
Currently Anticipating: Headin’ to the Kube 93.3 Haunted House with John and Sue tonight! – It’s Halloween date night!
Currently Wanting: These boots.